IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People are less fit and active nowadays than in the past. What are the reasons for this? What measures can be taken to fix this? Give reasons your answer and include any relavent examples from your own knowledge and experience

In the contemporary world, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 have become less active and fit compared to the past. Two main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 negative development are
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and
health
Use synonyms
 problems. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss these reasons and provide possible measures to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem. The first major reason is an inactive
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. A growing number of
researches
Check wording
studies
show examples
 show that
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 online at home. Online working is suitable for
people
Use synonyms
, because they do not want to spend precious time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
getting to
work
Use synonyms
place
Use the right word
workplace
show examples
. What is more,
this
Linking Words
 type of
work
Use synonyms
ecourages
Correct your spelling
encourages
lazy
Correct article usage
a lazy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and provides low energy to
work
Use synonyms
 for individuals, so it leads to
health
Use synonyms
 risks. The second important reason is bad
health
Use synonyms
 conditions. If
people
Use synonyms
 are already sick and ill, they cannot do
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 and be active all day.
Due to
Linking Words
 constant sitting, a person may lose muscle mass and again
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 develop numerous spinal diseases. I strongly think
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that the best solutions to these problems are promoting
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and opening cheap
gyms
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, millions of
people
Use synonyms
 tend to use cars
instead
Linking Words
 of bicycles.
Therefore
Linking Words
, an effective way to make
people
Use synonyms
 more energetic is to advertise walking and cycling as an alternative method of
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
transport.
Secondly
Linking Words
, creating affordable
gyms
Use synonyms
 can attract
people
Use synonyms
 to train there.
Consequently
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 start to train in cheap
gyms
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, they will become healthier, feel better, and improve
Linking Words
overall
Correct pronoun usage
their overall
show examples
 well-being.
Thus
Linking Words
, promoting
gyms
Use synonyms
 and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 can change the way
people
Use synonyms
 often live, and even more, increase the level of activity. In conclusion, leading a sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 causes a lot of
health
Use synonyms
 problems. The most effective way to change
this
Linking Words
 situation is to advertise physical activity
mong
Use the right word
among
show examples
 the society.

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task response
Add more clear and full ideas. Give two or three extra points with real steps to fix the issue. Check small spelling and fix words that hurt meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Make each idea in a separate part or paragraph. Use simple link words like also, but, so. Make sure the plan is easy to follow.
structure
Intro, body and conclusion are there. You share view.
content
You use clear link words to show steps (Firstly, Secondly, Consequently).
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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