IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

people are less fit and active nowadays than in the past. What are the reasons for this? What measures can be taken to fix it?

In the contemporary world, the majority of society have become less active and fit compared to the past. Two main reasons for
this
Linking Words
 negative development are a sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and fitness problems. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss these reasons and provide possible measures to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem. The first major reason is an inactive
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. A growing number of studies show that
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to
job
Verb problem
work
show examples
 online at home. Online working is suitable for
people
Use synonyms
, because they do not want to spend precious timу getting to
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
. What is more,
this
Linking Words
 type of work encourages a lazy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and provides low energy to work for individuals, so it leads to health risks. The second important reason is bad health conditions. If
people
Use synonyms
 are already sick and ill, they cannot do exercises and be active all day.
Due to
Linking Words
 constant sitting, a person may lose muscle mass and again
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 develop numerous spinal diseases. I strongly think
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that the best solutions to these problems are promoting an active
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 and opening cheap
gyms
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, millions of
people
Use synonyms
 tend to use cars
instead
Linking Words
 of bicycles.
Therefore
Linking Words
, an effective way to make
people
Use synonyms
 more energetic is to advertise walking and cycling as an alternative method of transport.
Secondly
Linking Words
, creating affordable
gyms
Use synonyms
 can attract
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 to train there.
Consequently
Linking Words
, if
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 start to train in cheap
gyms
Use synonyms
, they will become healthier, feel better, and improve their
overall
Linking Words
 well-being.
Thus
Linking Words
, promoting
gyms
Use synonyms
 and a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 can change the way
people
Use synonyms
 often live, and even more, increase the level of activity. In conclusion, leading a sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 causes a lot of health problems. The most effective way to change
this
Linking Words
 situation is to advertise physical activity
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

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development
Some ideas are clear but need more detail. Add more real examples and explain plans for both causes and fixes.
coherence
Linking words are used, but more variety and smoother flow are needed to join ideas well.
grammar
Watch small grammar mistakes and agree with subjects. Use simpler sentence forms for accuracy.
structure
Make the end part stronger by restating the main ideas and give a final thought.
focus
The essay keeps a clear main idea: why people are less active and how to fix it.
content
There are good links to ideas like walking and cheap gyms.
structure
The essay shows a clear plan with three parts: causes, effects, and fixes.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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