IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, governments are spending a large amount of money on improving internet access. Why is it happening and do you think it is the most appropriate use of government money?

In the contemporary era, national governments are increasingly allocating substantial portions of their budgets to enhance digital infrastructure.
This
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 trend is primarily driven by the necessity of economic
modernization
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modernisation
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 and the
digitalization
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digitalisation
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 of public
services
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.
While
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 some argue that these funds should be
prioritized
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prioritised
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 for more traditional sectors, I believe that investing in
internet
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access
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 is a highly appropriate use of public
money
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money,
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 as it serves as the foundational utility for all other areas of development.   The primary reason for
this
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 surge in government spending is the shift toward a global digital economy. Today, a country’s economic competitiveness is inextricably linked to its
internet
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 connectivity. High-speed broadband allows businesses to reach international markets, fosters innovation through cloud computing, and supports the growing remote work culture.
Furthermore
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, governments are
digitalizing
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digitalising
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 their own operations to increase efficiency and transparency. By providing widespread
access
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, authorities can offer essential
services
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 like tax filing, healthcare registrations, and educational resources online, which significantly reduces administrative costs and bureaucratic delays in the long run.  Regarding whether
this
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 is the most appropriate use of funds, I would argue in the affirmative.
While
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 critics suggest that money would be better spent on "essential" sectors like healthcare or education,
this
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 is often a false dichotomy. In the modern world,
internet
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access
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 is the delivery mechanism for these very
services
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.
For instance
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, telemedicine allows rural patients to consult specialists without
traveling
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travelling
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, and e-learning platforms provide underprivileged students with
access
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 to top-tier academic materials.
Therefore
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, spending on the
internet
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 is not a diversion from social welfare; rather, it is a modern way to enhance it. Without robust connectivity, the "digital divide" would only widen, leaving
marginalized
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marginalised
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 communities
further
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 behind in an increasingly online world.  In conclusion, governments are investing heavily in the
internet
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 to secure economic growth and streamline public
services
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. In my view,
this
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 is a judicious use of national resources because digital
access
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 has become a fundamental human right and a prerequisite for progress in almost every other sector of society.

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strength
Strong start and clear view. Keep your main point in the first paragraph.
improvement
Break long sentences into shorter ones to be easy to read.
improvement
Add one more clear counter view and give a stronger counter-argument.
tip
Link ideas with small signs like 'also', 'however', 'as a result' to guide the reader.
tip
Check that every idea has a clear example.
stance
Clear stance on the main issue
content
Good use of examples to support points
structure
Good paragraph order and flow
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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