IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV or reading about them in the newspapers.Why do they do this?Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people?

Ordinary individuals try to copy prominent
personalities
Use synonyms
 by seeing them on TV or reading about them in the newspapers.
Although
Linking Words
 it has both good and bad ideas because following good
personalities
Use synonyms
 motivates
people
Use synonyms
 to grow through their influence, trying to copy the things from them which are unattainable can put them in a bad situation. I strongly think
this
Linking Words
 is a bad idea , and
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 am discussing both views in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, in the growing age of social
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 just want to show their luxurious
personalities
Use synonyms
 by copying many prominent persons, which they can't afford
due to
Linking Words
 financial constraints, which may lead to economic crisis for them.
For instance
Linking Words
, many so-called influencers try to copy famous stars about their expenses and living standard , which are very high in rate
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
as a
Linking Words
consequence
Punctuation problem
consequence,
show examples
 they fail to manage the money to continue
further
Linking Words
 in their life.
In addition
Linking Words
, TVs and books
some
Verb problem
retell some
show examples
 stories by exaggerating to make them more
entertaining
Punctuation problem
entertaining,
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are unreachable for ordinary
people
Use synonyms
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 tend to follow
personalities
Use synonyms
 that may have a negative impact on their lives, there can be some good influential
personalities
Use synonyms
 that may motivate them to achieve their goals by struggling in life.
For example
Linking Words
, a person who wanted to become an actor followed the struggling story of a famous actor
Dayahang
Punctuation problem
, Dayahang
show examples
 Rai of Nepal and was inspired and followed his personality.
Finally
Linking Words
, he becomes an actor and meets with idol and shares his story with him. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are some positive influences to impersonate famous
people
Use synonyms
 by getting motivation from them, it has a negative impact on the lives of ordinary
people
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may lead them to financial crisis later in their life
that is
Linking Words
 more impactful than a good idea.I strongly believe that copying
personalities
Use synonyms
 from a famous person by seeing them on TV and the radio is a bad idea.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay with a clear start, middle, and end. State your view in the introduction and keep it in mind through the body.
content
Give more real examples and explain how they prove your point. Use simple, clear facts or steps.
language
Check your grammar and punctuation. Use shorter sentences and connect ideas with simple links.
structure
The essay shows both sides of the issue.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
cohesion
Connections like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' help flow.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: