IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smart phone outweigh the disadvantages.

Nowadays, most individuals own a
smartphone
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 device cannot be separated from everyday life
due to
Linking Words
 the urgency to connect with
people
Use synonyms
.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, the practicality of digital devices sometimes
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
Correct article usage
an unfavorable
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unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
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 impact
for
Change preposition
on
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 human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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,
such
Linking Words
 as
health
Use synonyms
 problems.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the lack
use
Change preposition
of use
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 might cause addiction. In
this
Linking Words
 device,
people
Use synonyms
free
Verb problem
are free
show examples
 to surf the virtual world without
border
Fix the agreement mistake
borders
show examples
, receive fast-paced
information
Use synonyms
 without filters,
numerous
Verb problem
play numerous
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 virtual games,
meeting
Wrong verb form
meet
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 online, and other
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 easily
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 track of time doing it.
Finally
Linking Words
, if these routines happen continuously, it could be the source of
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
a health
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 problem or
mental
Correct article usage
a mental
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health
Use synonyms
 problem.
For example
Linking Words
,
study
Correct article usage
a study
show examples
 said that 60% elementary students who
suffers
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffer
show examples
myopia
Change preposition
from myopia
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 those who
exposed
Verb problem
are exposed
show examples
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 tablets or
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 since they are under 5
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 old.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, individuals need
Use synonyms
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
 to connect with others. In fact, some
people
Use synonyms
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
Use synonyms
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
 to get faster and recent
information
Use synonyms
, or simply update their real-time daily lives, thanks to
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to visit Germany, they would like to know the season, the weather, the vibes, before they plan any itineraries, and all
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
information
Use synonyms
available
Verb problem
is available
show examples
 one click away in their smart devices. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 can cause
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
health
Use synonyms
 problems if
it's
Verb problem
it are
show examples
 used without caution.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 if we use it properly, smart devices can bring us the advantages like unlimited
information
Use synonyms
, connect with
people
Use synonyms
world
Replace the word
worldwide
show examples
 wide and real-time.

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Task response
Make your view clear at the end. A yes or no about whether good things beat bad ones.
Task response
Give a plan in your writing: one opening, two body parts, and one final ending.
Coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that shows the main idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to join ideas and refer back to what came before without long repeats.
Lexical resource
Use simple, exact words. Do not use long, hard words that blend in.
Coherence
The essay says ideas on both sides.
Coherence
It uses phrases like 'On the other hand' to show contrast.
Lexical
There is an example about health impact.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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