IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are eating healthy food and exercising regularly. for that? What can we do to make other people do the same? What are the reasons

The society has changed greatly, and
this
Linking Words
 includes the
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 are following a balanced diet and exercising more frequently.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 shift, and will suggest what can be done to encourage more
people
Use synonyms
 to live healthily. One of the main reasons that more
people
Use synonyms
 are attracted to a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is to avoid serious diseases and live longer.
For example
Linking Words
, cardiovascular diseases can be avoided
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if a healthy diet and regular
exercising
Replace the word
exercise
show examples
 are
practically
Rephrase
apply
show examples
considered. A study published by the Gulf University has suggested that
people
Use synonyms
 who eat a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 portion of vegetables every day are less likely to present with cardiac disease compared to
people
Use synonyms
 with fewer vegetables in their diet. Another reason for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is that many
people
Use synonyms
 want to look good physically. The influence of athletes and models is great on a huge category of the population.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 are going to the gym and consuming healthy food. To encourage more
people
Use synonyms
 to consider a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
, the government should cooperate with individuals to achieve good results.
For instance
Linking Words
, governments should apply taxes on fast food restaurants,offering meals with high sodium levels and fully saturated fats.
In addition
Linking Words
, individuals should increase their knowledge about their health. They should be aware of what can cause damage to their health, like junk food and sitting in an office for a couple of hours without moving. In conclusion, many
people
Use synonyms
 are living a healthy life to avoid illness and live longer
, many
Punctuation problem
. Many
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 steps can be taken by both governments and individuals to increase the number of
people
Use synonyms
 enjoying a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.

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content
The main idea is clear, but you need more detail for each point. Add more facts or examples to back your reasons.
grammar
Some phrases are odd or wrong. Check words like 'present with cardiac disease' and 'practically considered' and rewrite them.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words: 'first', 'also', 'for example', 'in addition'. This helps flow.
punctuation
Punctuation is not right in places. Add spaces after commas and fix colon or comma use.
content
If you mention a study, give clear and true facts. Otherwise say 'research shows' without names.
lexis
Keep to simple words and vary sentence length. Use short and long sentences to avoid monotony.
structure
The essay has a clear aim and plan to discuss why people eat well and how to help more people do this.
structure
There is a whole paragraph for reasons and a paragraph for ideas to act. This helps flow.
content
A conclusion is present to wrap up the ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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