IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today's world, several
individuals
Use synonyms
 have
time
Use synonyms
 set
for
Rephrase
aside for
show examples
hobbies
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is so because of various reasons
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as not having
time
Use synonyms
 because of work.
Such
Linking Words
 issues affect
people
Use synonyms
's health and
livelyhood
Correct your spelling
livelihood
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is noted that few
people
Use synonyms
 devote
time
Use synonyms
 to
hobbies
Use synonyms
 these days. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that they spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 at work fending for their families.
Thus
Linking Words
, they do not have
time
Use synonyms
 to spare. Moreso, some
individuals
Use synonyms
 think that attending to
hobbies
Use synonyms
 is meant for wealthy
people
Use synonyms
 who have
time
Use synonyms
 and money to spare.
This
Linking Words
 is because some of the
hobbies
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 playing golf and
gym
Punctuation problem
gym,
show examples
 need subscriptions which might be expensive for the poor. Another reason is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 do not have
hobbies
Use synonyms
. They prefer spending
time
Use synonyms
 on their own.
For example
Linking Words
, introverted persons may prefer to be alone
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mingle with others.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, since some
people
Use synonyms
 are too busy and have no
time
Use synonyms
 to spare
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 to refresh their minds.
This
Linking Words
,
however
Linking Words
, has detrimental effects on their health because their minds are always occupied by stress. It has been noted that most depressed
individuals
Use synonyms
 do not have
time
Use synonyms
 for leisure. They spend almost half of their life stressing about life issues.
This
Linking Words
 leads to a society with
individuals
Use synonyms
 living with diseases
such
Linking Words
 as high blood pressure and
sugar
Check wording
apply
show examples
diabetes.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a community without leisure activities is boring and dangerous to the
youths
Fix the agreement mistake
youth
show examples
. They may decide to spend
time
Use synonyms
 doing crime and drugs if they have nothing keeping them busy.
To conclude
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 spend
time
Use synonyms
 at work, so they
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do not have
time
Use synonyms
 for
hobbies
Use synonyms
 .
This
Linking Words
,
however
Linking Words
, yields
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a society
that is
Linking Words
 boring and has different diseases.

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coherence
Try to have one clear idea in each paragraph and keep it to one main point.
coherence
Use simple links like and, but, also, so to show how ideas fit together.
task
In task response, state your view clearly and give a bit more proof or examples for each point.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar to fix common errors and wrong word use.
content
The topic is clear and you discuss both reasons and effects.
content
You give examples to back up points.
The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
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