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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people argue that the fittest and strongest individuals and teams can achieve the greatest success in sports. But other people think the success is much related to the mental attitude. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In order to achieve success in
sport
Use synonyms
, some people argue that it is more important to be strong mentally than physically.
While
Linking Words
 no sportsperson can reach the top without the mental qualities of determination and dedication, I believe that the basis for success must be physical
strength
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, all
sports
Use synonyms
 trainers recognise the necessity of a strong mental attitude.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if trainers cannot foster a competitive spirit, or even a win-at-all-costs attitude, the sportspeople
who
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
 they train may lack the necessary motivation to work hard and succeed. Hours spent training in the gym,
for example
Linking Words
, may be repetitive and boring, and aspiring athletes need to stay focused.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in any
Use synonyms
sport
Add a comma
sport,
show examples
 there will be disappointments and failures, and it is essential to be mentally strong to overcome these and achieve one’s goals.
In particular
Linking Words
, in the world of professional
sport
Use synonyms
, where news coverage places too much value on
sport
Use synonyms
, it is impossible to have a laid-back attitude and still succeed.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, physical
strength
Use synonyms
 must be the basis of all success in
sport
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 most people take up
sport
Use synonyms
 simply to get into shape or to keep fit, those who wish to become successful must be physically strong. Obvious examples are
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as weightlifting, boxing or judo. Yet all other
sports
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 demand physical
strength
Use synonyms
 for stamina and endurance, even sailing or
horseriding
Use the right word
horse riding
show examples
. Some
sports
Use synonyms
 stars,
such
Linking Words
 as the world-famous professional cyclist Lance Armstrong, have even used illegal substances, like performance-enhancing drugs, in order to reach and maintain top physical condition, risking their careers. In conclusion, both physical and mental
strength
Use synonyms
 are necessary to become successful in
sport
Use synonyms
, but it is impossible to succeed without being physically strong.

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structure
Make each paragraph have one main idea and keep it clear.
balance
Balance the talk on both views; show more equal view in body and final view.
cohesion
Use simple link words (and, but, also, first, next) to connect ideas.
grammar
Check for small grammar and keep long sentences short and plain.
organization
The essay has a clear shape with intro, 2 body parts, and a short end.
coherence
It uses good contrast words like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
lexical
It gives clear examples about sport and fitness.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • success
  • strong
  • team
  • attitude
  • mental
  • fit
  • achieve
  • individual
  • perform
  • competition
  • positive
  • mindset
  • overcome
  • challenges
  • pressure
  • important
  • belief
  • inspire
  • teamwork
  • cooperation
  • strategy
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