IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that students should be required to attend school until the age of 18. Do you agree or disagree?

It is commonly argued that
students
Use synonyms
 should take academic courses until
18-years-old
Correct your spelling
18 years old
. From my perspective, it seems absurd since it allows
students
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 to shape their
career
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 paths, and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 who suffer from mental health issues to become more comfortable.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I accept that
academic
Correct article usage
an academic
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 foundation leads to
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
 broader aspects. First of all, basic knowledge
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics, English, and science
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to develop critical thinking skills that are essential in any
career
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.
For example
Linking Words
, learning languages improves communication skills,
while
Linking Words
 writing essays teaches
students
Use synonyms
 to
organize
Change the spelling
organise
show examples
 and express their ideas effectively. These abilities are valuable regardless of which
career
Use synonyms
 path they choose later.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
students
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 who leave school early are more easily exposed to negative influences. Without the structure and supervision that school provides, teenagers may have too much free time at home. During
this
Linking Words
 time, they could become addicted to drugs or gambling, or be influenced by harmful people they meet online.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, schools provide moral education and guidance that helps
students
Use synonyms
 distinguish right from wrong, which is especially important for those who may not receive adequate support at home.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I am convinced that there will be more physical and emotional freedom without age
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 can choose their
career
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 paths
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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earlier. Especially,
students
Use synonyms
 who are talented in art, music, or drama, making opportunities to stand in front of audiences is more
worth it
Use the right word
worthwhile
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, Billie Eilish, an American songwriter, was homeschooled. By spending more time finding her tone and the way of storytelling, she won six Grammys and became one of the iconic stars
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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represents
Correct subject-verb agreement
represent
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GenZ
Correct your spelling
Gen Z
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who are struggling with mental health issues can become more comfortable. Bullying among peers is common in South Korea.
In other words
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who have mental illnesses often become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
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 of bullying.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when they are educated at their home or alternative
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
, it allows them to receive proper
treatments
Fix the agreement mistake
treatment
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. In conclusion, I am convinced that schooling until the age of 18 is not essential since
students
Use synonyms
 can proactively shape their lives and become more emotionally comfortable.

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task response
State a clear position in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with simple connect words and keep one idea per sentence.
task response
Give more strong examples or evidence for each point; avoid long and general statements.
language use
Check grammar and use basic sentence forms; some long sentences cause errors.
strength
Clear stance is given against the idea of staying in school to 18.
strength
Useful examples show some link to points.
strength
Good paragraphing with intro, body, and conclusion.
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