IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that young people benefit from working while studying at school or university. Others think that young people will achieve more by focussing on their studies. Discuss both of the view points and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. days?

Some
people
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 argue that combining
work
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 with
education
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 benefits young
people
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,
while
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 others believe that greater success can be achieved by focusing entirely on academic studies.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before explaining why a balanced approach is the most effective. On the one hand, working
while
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 studying can provide young
people
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 with valuable practical
experience
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. Part-time jobs help
students
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 develop essential skills
such
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 as time management, communication, and responsibility, which are often not taught in classrooms.
In addition
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, earning an income can reduce financial pressure on families and allow
students
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 to support themselves.
For example
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, university
students
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 who
work
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 part-time in customer service roles often improve their interpersonal skills, which can be highly advantageous in their future careers.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 believe that young individuals should dedicate all their time to
education
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 in order to achieve academic excellence. Studying requires concentration, discipline, and sufficient rest, all of which can be negatively affected by employment.
Students
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 who
work
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 long hours may
experience
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 stress, fatigue, and reduced academic performance.
For instance
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, school pupils who
prioritize
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prioritise
show examples
work
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 over homework and exam preparation may struggle to achieve high grades, which could limit their access to top universities and career opportunities. In my opinion, young
people
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 benefit most when
work
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 does not interfere with their
education
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.
While
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 excessive working hours can be harmful, moderate part-time employment can complement academic learning rather than undermine it. Carefully balancing
work
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 and study allows
students
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 to gain real-world
experience
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 without sacrificing their academic goals. Personally, many
students
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 I know who worked a few hours per week at university developed confidence and independence
while
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 still achieving strong academic results. In conclusion,
although
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 focusing solely on studies can lead to higher academic achievement, limited part-time
work
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 offers important life skills and practical
experience
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.
Therefore
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, a balanced combination of
education
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 and employment is the most beneficial approach for young
people
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.

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task response
Add more strong examples to back your points.
coherence
Make your plan clear in each paragraph and link ideas well.
coherence
Use a few simple joining words to show order and balance.
grammar
Check small grammar mistakes and keep a calm tone.
lexical
Keep to simple words and avoid hard or long phrases.
content
Clear view of both sides and final opinion.
coherence
Good link words to move ideas.
content
Balanced talk with examples.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • time management
  • responsibility
  • financial management
  • employability
  • professional network
  • work environment
  • career opportunities
  • prioritize tasks
  • academic excellence
  • scholarships
  • advanced studies
  • specialized fields
  • stress management
  • balanced life
  • juggling responsibilities
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