IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter say what you have learned in your present job suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department explain why you do not wish to leave the company

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Dear Yasser, I hope
this
Linking Words
 letter finds you well. I am writing regarding a request for rotation to another
department
Use synonyms
. It has been an exceptional two years in the planning
department
Use synonyms
. I have had the opportunity to learn from professionals, acquire new skills, develop a sharp and vigilant mindset, and contribute to the company’s growth, as we can see now. I would suggest moving to another
department
Use synonyms
 that aligns best with my skills,
such
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 as the implementation
department
Use synonyms
, where I can coordinate and oversee operations flow.
This
Linking Words
 has always been my interest, given that I specialized in operations during college. I am certain that entrusting me with
this
Linking Words
 role will have a strong positive impact on the operations
department
Use synonyms
 by utilizing my experience in the field. Our company has been generous to me during my time here, and I want to give back in return. I appreciate your understanding. Best regards, Mohammed

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples of your achievements in your current role to strengthen your request to move departments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly focuses on a single idea, which can further improve the clarity of your message.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear structure with appropriate greeting and closing.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is polite and professional, showing respect for the manager.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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