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Writing Samples
Band 8

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.Discuss both views

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Introduction
The transportation system has been advancing extensively, which sparks
people
Use synonyms
's arguments about the allocation of funds, whether to establish a new approach by constructing new railway lines or focusing on existing ones.
Thus
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, I believe prioritizing financial resources for existing public transport would be more effective because it will enhance the passenger's pleasure by making it more comfortable.
Body paragraph 1
A high-speed railway line will make commuting efficient and more convenient since it will not require
people
Use synonyms
 more hours transporting between two distant areas, particularly for individuals who reside far away from their workplaces.
For instance
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, the fast train from Bandung to Jakarta in Indonesia only takes approximately one hour for more than 100 kilometres.
Hence
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, it would be an alternative method for those who regularly travel long distances, saving their precious time for other activities.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, enhancing other public transportation would appear to be a viable option, which
also
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 involves other related facilities,
such
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 as busways.
This
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 can be done by improving the quality of facilities and services that it provides to the public, which can significantly increase passenger satisfaction and attract more
people
Use synonyms
 to utilize mass transport. To illustrate, the development of bus stations, in terms of amenities and high-quality services in Indonesia, has driven
people
Use synonyms
 to use buses as their regular transit.
This
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 is proven by the increase in the number of
people
Use synonyms
 commuting by bus in recent years.
Conclusion
To summarize, implementing fast railway lines might bring benefits in terms of time, but it only affects some particular individuals, especially workers.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, improving other transportation would widely impact public satisfaction.

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task achievement
Ensure to address both viewpoints in a balanced manner, providing equal weight to the arguments for constructing new railway lines and for improving existing public transport.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction to the main ideas presented in each paragraph to guide the reader more effectively through your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay provides relevant and specific examples, which help to illustrate your points effectively. The mention of the Bandung to Jakarta train and Indonesian bus stations adds depth to your arguments.
task achievement
Both perspectives are presented clearly and comprehensively, with logical reasoning to support them. This strengthens the discussion and shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a strong conclusion that summarizes the essay effectively. This helps to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the response.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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