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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects and develop knowledge. But other people think that they should only learn a small number of subjects in detail. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

With a desire to make their
children
Use synonyms
 better people, parents nowadays believe broadening school
subjects
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial to their kids.
While
Linking Words
 dissents believe that narrowing down the breadth of
subjects
Use synonyms
 can help
children
Use synonyms
 excel in fields they are interested in.
This
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 question is twofold. On the one hand, advocates argue that diversified
subjects
Use synonyms
 can give
children
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 more choice,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 them to find their own field. They
also
Linking Words
 believe studying a wide range of
subjects
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 gives people a multiple-pronged view when judging the
surrounded
Replace the word
surrounding
show examples
 reality.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, dissents point out that the view of fostering
multifaced
Use the right word
multifaceted
show examples
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspectives
 from plural
subjects
Use synonyms
 is nothing but a fantasy
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of consistency and commitment in that process. They
also
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 indicate that a subject a child can really devote themselves to is what we need in the current educational sector. I take it that if the older school
children
Use synonyms
 are learning liberal arts,
then
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 they may as well need multiple
subjects
Use synonyms
 in terms of broadening their horizon. But if they are in a STEM school, which requires more
professionlized
Correct your spelling
professional
 knowledge, concentrating on one subject can help them to be proficient in their
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
show examples
. In conclusion, the pro quid quo here is that if aesthetic accumulations and enriching your knowledge reserves
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 your aim,
then
Linking Words
 you need to diversify your studying
portofolio
Correct your spelling
portfolio
. If you are in a certain science field, zero in on your main subject
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 only
then
Linking Words
 can you go
further
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.

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Task response
Be clear about what you think in the end. State your view in one line and link it to what you said before.
Task response
Give one or two clear examples for each idea. Do not use too many big words.
Coherence and cohesion
In each paragraph, start with a clear idea and use links like and, but, also, so to join ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Use short, easy sentences. Do not make long, hard sentences.
Content
You show both sides of the topic.
Coherence
You use some link words to move from one idea to the next.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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