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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that computers and the internet are becoming more important than teachers in the classroom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The question of whether education online is better than studying at school has sparked a significant amount of debate in recent years.
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
this
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 trend brings various drawbacks, I completely disagree with
this
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 notion and support the idea of studying online.
This
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 is primarily because it leads to developing skills, and
furthermore
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, it contributes to gaining knowledge. First and foremost, the primary reason why I support
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
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 view
developing
Verb problem
is developing
show examples
 skills.
This
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 is because it allows individuals to improve their abilities for the future, which plays a vital role in enhancing the situation for many individuals.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 approach assists
people
Use synonyms
 in achieving better results in their daily lives.
For example
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, learning a second language improves academic performance.
Consequently
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,
it is clear that
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this
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 trend leads to positive outcomes for society.
In addition
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 to the previous point, another significant advantage of
this
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 view is gaining knowledge.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that it helps
people
Use synonyms
 understand the world and find better jobs, leading to a positive impact on the community.
Moreover
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, the authorities can improve the quality of life by supporting individuals.
For instance
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, access to online courses helps students learn faster.
As a result
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, the contributions significantly
to
Verb problem
contribute to
show examples
 ensuring a stable and prosperous future for everyone. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 focus on the disadvantages, I firmly believe that studying online is highly beneficial.
This
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 is because developing skills and gaining knowledge enhances the
overall
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 quality of life in society.

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Content development
Your answer has a clear view and you state your choice. To raise score, add more clear ideas and show how online study helps with more detail.
Grammar & style
Some sentences are long and hard. Use short, simple lines. Break big ideas into two small lines.
Content development
Give real and clear examples for each point. Explain how online study changes life or work.
Grammar
Be careful with small word use and order in a sentence. For example, say 'this view helps us develop skills' instead of 'support of this view developing skills'.
content
You take a clear side and stay with it.
coherence
You use linking words to show order and add ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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