IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Today, people can work and live anywhere they want because of the improvements in communication technology and transport. Do advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

It is true that in
this
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 advanced era, every individual can
work
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 and live in any sphere of the world
due to
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 enhancements in communication and transport.
Although
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this
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 trend in
work
Use synonyms
 life has been
criticized
Change the spelling
criticised
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due to
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 having some obvious drawbacks, I am of the opinion that it is far more beneficial for both workers and employers as well. On the one hand, there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
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Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 developments. First and foremost,
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
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 of telecommunication leads to
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle. As many people can
work
Use synonyms
 remotely and communicate with others online, they are becoming isolated from society.
Consequently
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,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of people are now facing communication problems.
Moreover
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, we are facing a lot of health issues like obesity,high blood pressure and
heart related
Use the right word
heart-related
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 diseases because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of issues.
On the other hand
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, there are
enoumous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 benefits of
this
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 changing trend.
Firstly
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, we currently have a wider choice of jobs as we can
work
Use synonyms
 anywhere
of
Change preposition
in
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 the
Earth
Check wording
world
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 than we had in the past.
In addition
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, modern wireless technology has made our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 much easier and comfortable
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 flexible working hours and multitasking
Punctuation problem
. As
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as a
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result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 we can spend more quality time with our family members. In conclusion,
although
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advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
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 in communication and transport have some downsides, they offer
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 more advantages in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long run.

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task
Make your view clear from the start and keep it in every paragraph.
task
Give one or two real examples to show how people work remotely and how it helps or harms them.
coherence
Link ideas more with simple words and short phrases to keep flow.
grammar
Check grammar and use correct word forms; avoid long, run-on sentences.
task position
Clear overall idea that benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
structure
Uses linking phrases like On the one hand, On the other hand, In conclusion.
structure
Paragraphs are used, giving a simple order of intro, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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