IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

(SSSS)Many people nowadays tend to marry and have children in their thirties rather than at a younger age. Is this a positive or negative development?

These days, it has become a trend to marry late
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
 the age of thirties and have children,
instead
Linking Words
 of marrying at a young age. In my opinion, it is a positive development because they expect financial freedom and leisure
time
Use synonyms
 to enjoy their life before committing to families.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss my views and
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 in detail with relevant examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer late marriages and children
around
Change preposition
in
show examples
thirties
Correct pronoun usage
their thirties
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 because they prefer career
first,
Linking Words
before having a family.
This
Linking Words
 means that adults have more
time
Use synonyms
 to explore career opportunities and find suitable jobs to earn
Correct article usage
a high-income
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high-income
Use the right word
high income
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 in order to manage their expenses.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can save funds to support their children and family in the future .
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent report revealed that an average of 56% of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer late weddings because they want to secure funds before getting into lifetime commitments.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they have more
time
Use synonyms
 to explore their own
interests
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because if
people
Use synonyms
 are committed
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 family environments, they often don't have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to explore places or do things that
favours
Correct subject-verb agreement
favour
show examples
 their
interests
Use synonyms
, as they will be occupied by more responsibilities.
As a result
Linking Words
, they prefer to delay marriages in order to spend
time
Use synonyms
 for themselves, which gives them a sense of satisfaction.
In contrast
Linking Words
, many advocates argue to have early weddings because they will be young to support their kids when they grow
ups
Replace the word
up
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;
however
Linking Words
, it actually depends on their individual
interests
Use synonyms
 and preferences. From my perspective, it is a positive development because it gives
time
Use synonyms
 for young adults to settle down with well-paid jobs to support their families.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they can
also
Linking Words
 spend
time
Use synonyms
 exploring their own
interests
Use synonyms
 to enjoy their lives. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 have differing opinions on early and late marriages, I believe it is beneficial to marry at a later age and have kids because they have ample
time
Use synonyms
 to settle down in life and explore their hobbies before getting into commitments. It is a positive development.

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Task response
State your view clearly in the first line and stay with it. The essay gives one side, but you should show both sides and then give a clear decision.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the flow smooth by grouping ideas into clear paragraphs. Use simple linking words to join sentences.
Strength
The writer shows a clear stance on late marriage and children.
Strength
There are good signpost words like To begin with and Furthermore that help the flow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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