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Band 4.5

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.

The chart below illustrates the
world-wide
Use the right word
worldwide
show examples
 sales of the five most well-known cellphone brands in the world between the years 2009 and 2013. The amount sold
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 measured in
units
Use synonyms
 (millions)
according to
Linking Words
 the five brands being
Samsung
Use synonyms
,
Apple
Use synonyms
,
Nokia
Use synonyms
,
LG
Use synonyms
, and
ZTE
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart,
Samsung
Use synonyms
 sold 200
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2009,
then
Linking Words
 340
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2011, and 450
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2013. In total,
Samsung
Use synonyms
 sold 790
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 worldwide in
three
Use synonyms
 different
periods
Use synonyms
. Interestingly,
Apple
Use synonyms
 sold 20
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2009,
then
Linking Words
 90
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2011, and 150
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2013. In total,
Apple
Use synonyms
 sold 260
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 worldwide in
three
Use synonyms
 different
periods
Use synonyms
. The next brand,
Use synonyms
Nokia
Punctuation problem
Nokia,
show examples
 sold 440
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2009,
then
Linking Words
 430
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2011, and 260
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2013. In total,
Nokia
Use synonyms
 sold 1030
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 worldwide in
three
Use synonyms
 different
periods
Use synonyms
. Looking at the next brand,
LG
Use synonyms
 sold 120
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2009,
then
Linking Words
 90
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2011, and 70
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2013. In total,
LG
Use synonyms
 sold 280
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 worldwide in
three
Use synonyms
 different
periods
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
ZTE
Use synonyms
 sold 40
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2009,
then
Linking Words
 50
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2011, and 60
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2013. In total,
ZTE
Use synonyms
 sold 150
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 worldwide in
three
Use synonyms
 different
periods
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Nokia
Use synonyms
 sold the most
units
Use synonyms
 globally at 1030
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
, second is
Samsung
Use synonyms
 at 790
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
, third is
LG
Use synonyms
 at 280
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
, fourth is
Apple
Use synonyms
 at 260
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
, and
ZTE
Use synonyms
 is in the
last
Linking Words
 position at 150
million
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words units, samsung, apple, nokia, lg, zte, million, three, periods with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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