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Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from poor sleep quality. What are the main problems caused by this trend, and what solutions can be suggested to improve it?

In certain parts of the world, there has been an increasing number of people who are suffering from
having
Verb problem
apply
show examples
adequate
Use the right word
inadequate
show examples
 sleep
hours
Use synonyms
 during the day.
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to discuss the primary issue of
this
Linking Words
 trend and will suggest a viable solution. One serious problem is that it can reduce concentration over time. As a student, he would be vulnerable to
lose
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
 focus
while
Linking Words
 being
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
classroom
Correct article usage
the classroom
show examples
, or when a teacher
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
 teaching school subjects.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 may have a negative impact on
student's
Check wording
students'
show examples
 academic performance, especially when gaining low grades.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent survey in China showed many pupils struggle to participate in classroom activities, as they have
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
show examples
 quality of
sleeping
Replace the word
sleep
show examples
 during the previous days. One viable solution is to avoid eating unhealthy food and start a
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 routine.
This
Linking Words
 is because
altra-processed
Correct your spelling
ultra-processed
 food could play a vital role in having
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 mood and feeling depressed , which makes pupils subject to
having
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stress and anxiety.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could potentially lead to inadequate sleep
hours
Use synonyms
 and insufficient concentration.
For example
Linking Words
, a research in North Korea showed a strong correlation between eating healthy food and having good
sleephours
Correct your spelling
sleep hours
, since its
minister
Replace the word
Ministry
show examples
Change preposition
of education
show examples
education
Fix capitalization
Education
show examples
report
Correct subject-verb agreement
reports
show examples
 an acute decline in students' attitudes. In conclusion, bad sleep
hours
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a sensitive issue among students and people, which may potentially result in negative outcomes for pupils' grades in school and having poor academic performance
as a result
Linking Words
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, high nutritional values could play a contributing role in reducing stress and feeling energetic, which causes poor sleep
hours
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan the order of ideas: start with the problem, then give a solution, and end with a short conclusion.
language
Use simple, correct words. Avoid hard phrases like 'sleephours' and 'altra-processed'.
content
Give clear examples that fit the idea and stay on one topic. Keep facts simple and believable.
grammar
Check grammar and form. Use linking words like 'therefore', 'because', and 'and' to join ideas.
conclusion
End with a clear, short conclusion that repeats the problem and gives a fix or hope.
strength
Some link between sleep and study is clear.
strength
The topic is on task and has a view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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