IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Now a days some parents give money to their children if they perform well at school. Do you think this is good or bad friend ?

Nowadays, some parents give their kids
money
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 as a reward for performing well at school.
While
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 some people believe
this
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 is a good practice, I think it has both advantages and disadvantages, but
overall
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 it can have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negative effects if not done carefully. On the one hand, giving
children
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money
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 for good results can motivate them to study harder. Financial rewards can act as a stimulus, encouraging
children
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 to focus on their lessons and achieve better grades.
For example
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, a child who receives a small amount for high grades may feel proud and work even harder in the exam. In
this
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 way, parents can help
children
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 become more disciplined and motivated.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 approach can create problems.
Children
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 may start to study only for
money
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 rather than for learning, which can reduce their long-term interest in education. It may
also
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 lead to unrealistic expectations, where
children
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 demand rewards for every small success, creating tension between parents and
children
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.
Furthermore
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, it can make
children
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 believe that success should always be linked to financial gain, which is not how life works. In conclusion,
while
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 giving
money
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 to
children
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 for good school performance can motivate them in the short term, I believe it is generally a negative practice if overused. Encouraging learning through praise, support, and guidance is a better way to help
children
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 enjoy learning in the long term.

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clarity
Keep a clear view in the intro and restate it in the conclusion so the score feels steady.
grammar
Fix small grammar slips and word choice to make meaning exact, like 'a negative effect' instead of 'a negative effects'.
development
Give more strong reasons and more clear examples to back each point.
cohesion
Use more simple links to join ideas and be careful with long sentences.
content
The essay has a clear view and covers both sides.
structure
Good use of sign post words like 'On the one hand' and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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