IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In contemporary society, punishing juvenile offenders has become a controversial topic. There has been much debate regarding who should be punished when a crime is committed by a child.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals think that
youth
Use synonyms
 offenders should be
penalized
Change the spelling
penalised
show examples
, others believe that
Use synonyms
parents
Correct article usage
the parents
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 of those
children
Use synonyms
 should be disciplined
instead
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.
Although
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parents
Use synonyms
 should be enrolled
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 certain programmes, I would argue that
juveniles
Use synonyms
 should be punished because
this
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 educates
about
Correct pronoun usage
them about
show examples
 responsibility and moulds their
behaviour
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, many people feel that
youth
Use synonyms
 offenders should be disciplined in some
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
.
Firstly
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, it teaches about responsibilities
allowing
Punctuation problem
, allowing
show examples
 them to learn from their mistakes.
In other words
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,
children
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 pay more attention to their acts and
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
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 of them,
while
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 correcting inappropriate
behaviour
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
law-abiding persons.
For example
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, under
Canada
Correct article usage
the Canada
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Youth
Use synonyms
 Criminal Justice
act
Fix capitalization
Act
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,
juveniles
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 between the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
12
Change preposition
of 12
show examples
-18 are sent
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 rehabilitation
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 to learn right from wrong.
Secondly
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, punishments can be a supporting tool to shape their
behaviour
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 develops self-control and discipline rather than just deterring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
juvenile delinquency.
On the other hand
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 should be held accountable for the following reasons.
To begin
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 with,
parents
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 have a prime duty to supervise their minor
children
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, preventing them from engaging in illegal activities. Poor upbringing and
parent’s
Check wording
parents’
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 negligence may cause harm
breaching
Punctuation problem
, breaching
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 parental duty regarding childcare.
For instance
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, in many South Asian countries, police stations conduct constant parental awareness programmes about
youth
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 crimes as they consider irresponsible parenting
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to be a major cause for the crimes committed by
children
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, the victim compensation concept in tort law justifies why
parents
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 should be penalised for offences committed by
juveniles
Use synonyms
, because
children
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 cannot afford for
restitutions
Fix the agreement mistake
restitution
show examples
,
thus
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 victims are compensated for damages by
parents
Use synonyms
. Even though
parents
Use synonyms
 should be disciplined for
children
Use synonyms
’s
misconducts
Fix the agreement mistake
misconduct
show examples
, punishing
parents
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 will not address the issue
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 do not realise the grievousness of their acts. In conclusion,
while
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parents
Use synonyms
 should be punished for
youth
Use synonyms
 crimes
due to
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 their irresponsible parenting and victim compensation, I believe that penalties should be imposed on
juveniles
Use synonyms
 as they cultivate responsibility and shape their
behaviour
Use synonyms
 through appropriate punishments.

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task response
State your own view clearly in the last part of the essay and keep it as your main point.
task response
Give more proof for each point, with simple and direct ideas, and avoid too many extra facts.
coherence
Keep ideas in order. Start with one idea, explain, give an example, then move to the next.
language
Use easy and short sentences to make it easy to read. Fix odd phrases.
content
Check facts like laws and the link to victims; keep real and fair examples.
structure
Clear plan with two sides and a final view.
language
Good use of linking words such as on the one hand and on the other hand.
content
Conclusion gives your view clearly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • children
  • commit
  • crimes
  • punished
  • parents
  • responsible
  • teach
  • right
  • wrong
  • society
  • consequences
  • learn
  • rules
  • guidance
  • behavior
  • future
  • anger
  • resentment
  • upbringing
  • accountable
  • moral
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