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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table compares the proportion of population by age group in New Zealand between 2011 and 2012.

The table compares the proportion of
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 by
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 in New Zealand between 2011 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
population
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 grew slightly, mainly because the older
age
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group
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 experienced an upward trend,
while
Linking Words
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 groups declined.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, between 2011 and 2012 the total
population
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 of New Zealand witnessed a slight increase from 4,38 million to 4,41 million, representing a modest growth of 0,6 %.
This
Linking Words
overall
Linking Words
 rise
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 mostly driven by an increase in older
age
Use synonyms
 groups. People
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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aged 40-64 increased from 1,33 to 1,39 million, showing a dramatic change of 0.6%. The most significant growth was seen in the 65 and over
age
Use synonyms
group
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, which increased by 4.0%, rising from approximately 574,000 to nearly 597,000.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the younger
age
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 groups showed a
sligt
Correct your spelling
slight
 decline between 2011 and 2012. The
population
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 under 15 years decreased
marginaly
Correct your spelling
marginally
 by 0.2%, dropping from about 898,000 to 896,000.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the 15 to 39
age
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group
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 fell by 0.2%, from roughly 1.58
millon
Correct your spelling
million
 to 1.57
millon
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million
. These small decreases
sugest
Correct your spelling
suggest
 that fewer young people were in the
population
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 during
this
Linking Words
 period, which may contribute to the
overal
Correct your spelling
overall
 trend of an ageing
population
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 in New Zealand.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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