IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays there is more and more competition between older and younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this create? How can they be solved?

With the rising economy ,
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
the job
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 market has grown
tremedoulsly
Correct your spelling
tremendously
. But with the increase in
population
Add a comma
population,
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 there is tough
competition
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 running between the golden-agers and Juveniles.
People
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 are competing for the same jobs despite the
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
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 in age, education and
skills
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.
This
Linking Words
 growing
competition
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 is giving rise to various issues
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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with
Add a comma
with,
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 the problems of
this
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 case are that
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Firstly
Fix capitalization
firstly
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,
this
Linking Words
 war is affecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mankind mentally. Individuals now are in
state
Correct article usage
a state
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 of fear of
loosing
Use the right word
losing
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 their livelihoods all the time. Despite having
skills
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and knowledge of a particular field
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people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 are no longer stable at their jobs. Not only
this
Linking Words
, humans are becoming
cold hearted
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cold-hearted
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.
just
Fix capitalization
Just
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 to secure a
job
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they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 are
humilating
Correct your spelling
humiliating
 each other and trying to uplift themselves.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the problem that arises from
this
Linking Words
 conflict is that the older
people
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 are
loosing
Use the right word
losing
show examples
 their source of income as most of the companies hire fresh talent with updated technological
skills
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 to perform the tasks .
This
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 way
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 elders are not getting enough opportunities to support their families.
For instance
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, in many IT sectors
data
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, data
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 has revealed that multinational companies hire 80% of
gen-z
Fix capitalization
Gen-Z
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 generation to work
Punctuation problem
, as
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as per
Change preposition
according to
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 statistics. Solutions- The growing
competition
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 between the generations can only be solved if the
job
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 postings from different
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
specifiy
Correct your spelling
specify
 the work requirements
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 the experience,
skills
Use synonyms
 required for the
job
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, to maintain the healthy
competition
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, all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should be interviewed so that they can have equal opportunities to work.
To sum up
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,
altough
Correct your spelling
although
 human beings are competing in various jobs , the specifications of the
job
Use synonyms
 requirement can solve the problem.

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task response
Be clear on the problems and the fixes in separate ideas. Use one idea per paragraph and give a small example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like First, Next, Also, But, Finally to make the flow from problem to fix easy.
content
The topic is made clear and there is a plan to talk about both problems and fixes.
organization
There is a two part idea: talk about problems first and then how to fix.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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