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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people like to eat unhealthy food even though they know it’s bad for themselves. Why? What effective ways can improve people's healthy eating habits?

Nowadays, residents prefer to eat unhealthy food despite being aware that it is harmful to them.
This
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 issue is having many negative impacts on life, and we need to understand the reasons behind it in order to find concrete solutions.
This
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 phenomenon stems from several factors, primarily two main reasons
:
Punctuation problem
:
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 stress and an unhealthy diet.
Firstly
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, many people turn to unhealthy food as a way to relieve stress. In a nationwide survey of 5,863 adults in the U.S., 20.5% said they regularly or very often eat high-fat foods when feeling sad, anxious, or stressed.
This
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 creates bad habits and leads to serious consequences later on.
Secondly
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, an unhealthy diet will exacerbate
this
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 condition. Many citizens,
such
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 as office workers, Gen Z, and students, have unhealthy eating habits that lead to being overweight or obese. A study in Australia found that among more than 7,000 adults, 28% were obese, and the majority of
this
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 group had diets that often consisted of fried foods and high-calorie products.
Therefore
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, we need to find solutions to address these remaining problems.
First,
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the government needs to pay more attention to health issues related to diet, thereby raising public awareness.
In addition
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, people should consult doctors and exercise regularly when facing issues
such
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 as
overweight
Verb problem
being overweight
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, obesity, and diabetes. In summary, issues related to unhealthy food are a significant concern worldwide. Governments need to work closely with the World Health
Organization
Change the spelling
Organisation
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 to mitigate
this
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 problem globally.

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improvement
The intro and end could be clearer. Say what you will talk about and end with a short result.
improvement
Make each idea clear with one or two easy facts that link to it.
tip
Use simple links to move ideas well, such as also, but, so, then.
tip
Check small words and form. Read out loud to find odd phrases.
strength
The topic is clear and the view is seen.
strength
You use some numbers from study to back ideas.
strength
The idea goes from cause to fix in a set plan.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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