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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays people use bicycles less as a form of transport. Why is this the case? What can we do to encourage people to use bicycles more? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

In today's world,
bicycles
Use synonyms
 are no longer the most desired mode of transportation.
This
Linking Words
 is because they are not very convenient for a highly mobile and busy public requiring access to other geographical places quickly and safely. To address
this
Linking Words
 low uptake, states should consider building more cycling tracks and incentivising the
use
Use synonyms
 of
bicycles
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, inconvenience seems to be the main reason why
bicycles
Use synonyms
 have
seized
Verb problem
ceased
show examples
 to be the highly preferred mode of transport in contemporary society. Not many places have the resources or space to create tracks for cycling, which makes the practice unsafe.
Additionally
Linking Words
, their reach is very limited
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they are slow, which makes them less preferred over other means of transport,
such
Linking Words
 as cars and trains.
For example
Linking Words
, in big cities
such
Linking Words
 as Hong Kong, it is difficult for
people
Use synonyms
 to cycle because there is not enough space to build tracks
due to
Linking Words
 overcrowding. In
such
Linking Words
 places, it is easier to ride trains, buses or even taxis in order to make it faster to destinations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in order to promote the
use
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
bicycles
Change preposition
of bicycles
show examples
, states should invest in building more cycling tracks to encourage safe cycling.
Likewise
Linking Words
, they should provide cycling allowances for cyclists. With safety and
incetives
Correct your spelling
incentives
 guaranteed, many
people
Use synonyms
 will have the courage and zeal to consider cycling for different purposes.
For instance
Linking Words
, despite the UK being a highly crowded place, many companies are offering cycling to work allowances for their employees.
Such
Linking Words
 initiatives can be a starting point for luring members of the public into using the bicycle as a form of transport. In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
use
Use synonyms
 of
bicycles
Use synonyms
 is no longer common for many
people
Use synonyms
. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that they are not convenient to
use
Use synonyms
 in busy areas. To encourage their
use
Use synonyms
, governments should proactively revamp their road networks to include cycling tracks,
as well as
Linking Words
 consider introducing some incentives for
people
Use synonyms
 who decide to cycle.

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grammar
Fix small grammar errors, e.g., 'seized to be' should be 'ceased to be' and 'incetives' -> 'incentives'.
language
Use short, simple sentences. Some long lines break the flow. Break ideas into clear parts.
content
Add more detail for each point. Give more real examples and explain how proposed ideas will work.
structure
Clear layout with introduction, body and conclusion.
cohesion
Uses linking words like On the one hand and On the other hand.
content
Gives concrete examples from real places.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable transport
  • cycling infrastructure
  • bike lanes
  • bike-sharing programs
  • traffic calming measures
  • commute
  • subsidies
  • physical exertion
  • environmental benefits
  • safety regulations
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