IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that people should retire at a certain age, while others think that retirement should be flexible. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
Correct pronoun usage
one retire
show examples
retire should
Correct word order
should retire
show examples
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
at
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
age
Use synonyms
, Others believe that there is no specific
range of
Check wording
age range
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 for someone to retire
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 job. In my opinion, I think that retirement should be based on
own person's
Check wording
one's
show examples
ability
Correct word choice
own ability
show examples
. On the one hand, retirement at
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
age
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a positive
effects
Fix the agreement mistake
effect
show examples
. One major advantage is that the
younge
Correct your spelling
young
people
Use synonyms
 will have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient places to apply for their jobs. In other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
, it will decrease the unemployment numbers in the country. It
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
show examples
 possible to say that at a certain
age
Use synonyms
, the elderly lose some of their mental and physical health
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will
compromised
Wrong verb form
compromise
show examples
 their quality of performance in their job.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, giving
the
Check wording
people the
show examples
 freedom to
people
Use synonyms
 to choose when they have to retire is
also
Linking Words
 essential. Mostly, those older
people
Use synonyms
 have a lot of experience throughout their entire life. So, if they were in their job even after
older
Correct article usage
an older
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Punctuation problem
age,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can help the community.
In other words
Linking Words
, they can guide the young workers by passing tips and warnings to them.  In conclusion, despite some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
retirenment
Correct your spelling
retirement
 should be much earlier,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think that
individulas
Correct your spelling
individuals
 can retire whenever they want. I think it depends on the
capabilites
Correct your spelling
capabilities
 of each person.

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grammar
Fix wrong verb use and noun form. Some lines do not read well.
coherence
Make ideas easier to follow. Use each idea in a short, clear line.
examples
Give a real short example for each idea to show why you think it.
vocabulary
Use simpler words and spellings. Keep to common words.
structure
You show both sides and your own view.
coherence
You use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show balance.
content
You end with a clear view in the end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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