IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In recent
years
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, there has been a widespread discussion regarding the issue
of
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that
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 the average standard of
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people
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’s
health
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 is likely to be lower in the
future
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 than it is now. Some
people
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 believe that the average standard of
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people
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’s
health
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 is likely to be lower in the
future
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. From my perspective , I firmly disagree with the idea that the average standard of
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people
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’s
health
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 is likely to be lower in the
future
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.
To begin
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 with
this
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, one of the primary
reason
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reasons
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 for my stance is that the
medic
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medical
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 level
to be
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is
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highly
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higher
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 than before. With the society development, the
medic
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medical
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 equipment
more
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has become more
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 and more polished and
understood
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has understood
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 the body deeply than before
,
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.
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For
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instance
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instance,
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 form the
world human
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World Human Health Report
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health
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report
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 the
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people lifespan elder
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people's life expectancy
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 10
years
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 old
than
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to
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 before.
This
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is
Verb problem
apply
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clearly shows that the average standard of
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people
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’s
health
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 is likely to be longer in the
future
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.
Furthermore
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, another compelling reason is that we can see lots of
elder
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elderly
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people
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 who live over 100
hundred
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apply
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years
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. In the past
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years
Add a comma
years,
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 it
hard
Verb problem
was hard
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 to see the
elder
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elderly
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 in the city. But now it
easier
Verb problem
is easier
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 to see than before. To illustrate, there are over 8 thousand
people
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 more than 80
years
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 old in China. The
nature
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Nature
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 magazine
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report
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reports
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 that with
the
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apply
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economic development,
people
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 devote lots of money to research the
health
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. The average life
is
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expectancy is
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 longer than before. So the standard of
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people
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’s
health
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 is likely to be longer in the
future
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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 some
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people
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’s
health
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 is likely lower than it is now,
but
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apply
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according to
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 the
nature
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Nature
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report
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 and
Correct article usage
the world
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world human
Fix capitalization
World Human Report
show examples
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report
Punctuation problem
report,
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 the average standard of
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people
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’s
health
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 is likely to be longer in the
future
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 than it is now.

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grammar
Fix grammar and word form so your meaning is clear.
structure
Make one idea per paragraph with a clear link to the question.
content
Add clear examples that fit the idea, like real facts or data.
lexical
Use simple, common words to make your point easy.
conclusion
Finish with a short, clear conclusion.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
content
The essay shows an attempt to use facts and numbers.
information
The idea that health can grow is seen.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
What to do next:
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