When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that recreational
centres
Use synonyms
and parks should be prioritised when designing new rural regions
instead
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of building shopping malls for leisurely visits. I strongly agree with
this
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statement because it improves the
overall
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well-being of
people
Use synonyms
and enhances
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
integration
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
society.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss my views with relevant examples.
To begin
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with, building public parks fosters social integration.
This
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means that common spaces provide access to
people
Use synonyms
to meet others, socialise, and build new relationships, which strengthens the bond among the public.
For example
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, a recent study revealed that an average of 65% of adults make new relationships by meeting new
people
Use synonyms
in
such
Linking Words
natural landscapes in city
centres
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, it is evident that it enhances
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social cohesion
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
the public.
Furthermore
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, having access to sports facilities helps
people
Use synonyms
improving their health
while
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socialising with community.
Such
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facilities will be the central place for gathering for teenagers and adults during their leisure hours, where they can engage actively by participating in various sports
such
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as football, tennis and board games.
This
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will improve their physical and mental well-being.
For instance
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, in India, the government has imposed stricter regulations in cities to make spaces for recreational activities to promote health and fitness, so that folks can engage in
such
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activities during their spare time.
In contrast
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, some advocates are interested
to spend
Change preposition
in spending
show examples
their leisure hours in shopping
centres
Use synonyms
because it makes them feel more therapeutic when they purchase more products. Despite the benefits, I agree that natural landscapes and sporting activities are more beneficial for the population. In conclusion, advocates
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
that public parks and sports
centres
Use synonyms
should be designed when planning for new town developments to spend free time. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
statement as it is beneficial for them to spend their free hours
to socialise
Verb problem
socialising
show examples
and
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
on their physical and mental health.

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task response
Make your main points clearer and tie them closely to the question. Use more exact rural ideas and fewer general statements.
coherence cohesion
Make the flow from one paragraph to the next better. Use linking words to show how ideas are related.
content
Give more precise evidence and facts. check that examples fit the topic (rural towns, parks, and shops).
stance
You take a clear side from the start.
structure
Your ideas are easy to follow and some links between ideas are clear.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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