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Band 4.5

With the rapid development of technology, online education has become increasingly common. some people believ that online learning is more effective than traditional classroom-based education. discuss both views and give your opinion.

Due to
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 the advancements in technology, computer-based
education
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 has become more ubiquitous in modern society. Some proponents argue that machine learning is much more beneficial than classroom learning. In my opinion,
while
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 I agree that it offers convenience and
access
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 to resources,
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
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 method
also
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 plays a vital role in providing structured and more adaptable learning
practices
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. I agree that classroom teaching should be supplemented with online learning for effective
education
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. On the one hand, online
education
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 offers more convenience and flexibility.
This
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 means that students can learn from their own comfort zone
while
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 having
access
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 to flexible resources and schedules, which makes the
overall
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education
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 more efficient than in the past.
Addtionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, they have
access
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 to varied materials on the internet, which can be referred to enhance their knowledge
while
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 reading complex subjects.
For instance
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, a recent report revealed that an average of 45% of young people and working professionals prefer
such
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 learning
practices
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 because they can adjust their schedules
according to
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 their availability.
Therefore
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,
this
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 trend provides more comfortable
education
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 for teenagers and employees.
On the other hand
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, traditional
education
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 provides more adaptable learning
practices
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 in a structured approach.
This
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 is because
,
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apply
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 mentors have sophisticated knowledge
on
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of
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 courses, where they can adopt different teaching
practices
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according to
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 children's requirements.
Such
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method
Correct article usage
a method
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 motivates them to learn concepts with complete understanding, rather than focusing on printed materials on the web.
Moreover
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,
this
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 culture encourages children to thrive in competitive learning and achieve excellent academic performance.
For example
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, in developed countries, though young people have
access
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 to machines, they prefer going to
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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 in order to get guidance and support from teachers to achieve academic success. In conclusion,
although
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 people have different opinions on traditional and online
education
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 methods, I believe that school
education
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 is always effective because the teaching is very constructive,
also
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 materials are reliable
unlike
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, unlike
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 amateur resources available on the internet. In my opinion, I would say that classroom
education
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 must be supplemented with computer-based
education
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 to foster
better
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a better
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Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educational
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 experience and achieve academic success.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and keep to one or two main ideas in each paragraph.
coherence
Use simple, clear links to help the flow between ideas, e.g. also, but, however, for example.
language use
Check spelling and grammar. Fix mistakes like Addtionally to Additionally and ensure subject-verb form is right.
content
Give real facts or data to back up ideas, not a single stat.
content
You show a clear view that online learning can help but should not replace school.
structure
You discuss both sides, not just one.
language
You try to give examples and numbers to support points.
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