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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, fast food restaurant and supper markets give money to school to promote their products. Do you think this a positive or negative development?

#countries #food #restaurant #supper #markets #money #school #products #development
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Schools
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 have been acknowledge to be a
place
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 of wisdom and liberties, where
students
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 may learn about any topic of their
choice
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. In some countries, outside businesses,
such
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 as restaurants ans super markets, happened in giving money to some
schools
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 in exchange of promoting their products. As far as I am concerned,
schools
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 should be a space of education and freedom of
choice
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 where influences cannot take
place
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.
Firstly
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, it is important to note that, when it comes to education, there should be no exception for
this
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 practices.
Although
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 financiation is needed, it cannot be at cost of decission
choice
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.
Also
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, scholars acquire the habits taught in school, which are now influenced by external businesses.
Hence
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, the education might be lacking the initial scope, which is to think freely and make up a personal opinion,
while
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 learning general knowledge.
On the other hand
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, talking about influencing
students
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, the habit of eating fact that fast food, among others, is taught daily.
Due to
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this
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 major concern, many health problems might be developed in the future. Well-being must be the most important duty
students
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 are bound to pursuit. As long as junk food is among
schools
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, it would be no longer a safe
place
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 to learn.
To conclude
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,
schools
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 must foster racional and uninfluenced thinking. By forcing
students
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 to acquire detrimental habits, there won't be a
place
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 of learning anymore. -Idea 1: Freedom of
choice
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 -Idea 2: Fast food are badly influencing youngers Conclusion:
Submitted by dar.rodriguez.ramos on

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task achievement
Try to develop your main points with more specific examples to clarify your arguments. This will make your task response more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are logically structured, and try to connect your points more effectively throughout the essay using transition words.
task achievement
Work on expanding your ideas more fully, ensuring each paragraph elaborates on a single point in a clear and comprehensive manner.
task achievement
The introduction clearly establishes the topic and viewpoint, which is a positive aspect of your task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, particularly with a clear introduction and conclusion for coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
There is a strong conclusion that effectively summarizes your points, restating your stance very well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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