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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that students should be taught how to manage money at school, while others think this is not necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In our modern world, some people think that
students
Use synonyms
 should be taught how to manage funds at school,
whereas
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 others think
this
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 is not necessary. In
this
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 essay، I will discuss both views and present my own opinion. On the one hand, some people believe that schools need to learn their
students
Use synonyms
 how to manage
money
Use synonyms
.
However
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, some individuals think that managing from a young age is so important to teach the child in the future how to use
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
money
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, studying a business subject could learn them how to save
money
Use synonyms
 or how to use the
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
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 the right place
Punctuation problem
. This
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this
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 will play a significant role in the child since he is young.
On the other hand
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, some people think that it's not important for schools to learn them how to manage
money
Use synonyms
 or study
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business courses
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
In addition
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, they believe that
this
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 kind of subject so early for infants to learn at
this
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 age, and it's not useful for them or for society.
Such
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 us , learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 about politics, some of the public see that it's the same thing as the business subjects to
students
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, there are many studies conducted about
managing
Rephrase
how managing
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money
Use synonyms
 for the
students
Use synonyms
 is not crucial for them. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 strongly believe that it is not necessary for the school to learn the
students
Use synonyms
 how to manage their
money
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, in my own opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think learning them at a small age could be harmful for them.
Moreover
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, it might affect their grades in a bad way.

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structure
Plan your work: write a quick plan with four parts: intro, view one, view two, your opinion. Then write in order.
coherence
Make a clear stance in the intro and restate it in the conclusion. Stick to one main idea per paragraph and connect ideas with simple words like first, also, but, and finally.
grammar
Check the grammar and form of verbs. Use short, clear sentences. Use consistent pronouns and avoid long run-on lines.
content
Give clear examples or reasons for each view. Explain why your opinion follows from the views.
structure
The essay tries to cover both views and gives an ending with the writer's view.
content
There is an introduction that states the topic.
language
The writer uses simple language and short ideas.
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