IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger and the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is argued by many that funding institutions that are working on preserving the life of endangered species is
financialy inresponsable
Correct your spelling
financially irresponsible
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 funds could be used for solving more
preasing
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pressing
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 issues,
such
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 as
children
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children's
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 health in low-income nations.
Also
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, I
belive
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believe
show examples
 that there is a natural selection
procces
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process
 in which some
animals
Use synonyms
 will not survive in a changing
enveronment
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environment
. The money spent on saving
disapiring
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disappearing
animals
Use synonyms
 would have a greater impact if invested in medical care for kids in developing countries.
Usualy
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Usually
,
Linking Words
this
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these
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 regions have very poor public health
sistems
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systems
, and as a
Correct your spelling
result
resulat
Punctuation problem
resulat,
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 many young children do not have the basic
vactinations
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vaccinations
.
Allthough
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Although
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there are many international health
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 that are working to change
this
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the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 funding they have is limited.
For example
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, in situations like
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
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 the government can temporarily redirect the funding from animal-life preserving programs
towords
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towards
 medical supplies. At the same time,
according to
Linking Words
 the evolution
theory
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theory,
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 some species will
naturaly
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naturally
 disappear because they will not be able to adapt to the new
enveronment
Correct your spelling
environment
. Changes in climate and natural resources will
inevitable
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inevitably
show examples
 make the new habitat
unsutable
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unsuitable
 for some
animals
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, some of them will migrate to new
regions
Punctuation problem
regions,
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other
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others
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 will not survive the new
enveronment
Correct your spelling
environment
, making all financial efforts to protect them
wastefull
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wasteful
. In conclusion, I hold the view that funds invested in saving some endangered species would be much more beneficial if spent on improving the
medical-care
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medical care
show examples
 for children.
This
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 is
also
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suported
Correct your spelling
supported
 by the fact that economic efforts alone will not ensure the
surviving
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survival
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 of
animals
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, as the
overall
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 natural
selections
Fix the agreement mistake
selection
show examples
 is more
impactfull
Correct your spelling
impactful
.

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structure
Improve the intro so you say your view in one clear sentence.
coherence
Make each paragraph start with a clear topic sentence.
content
Give more exact examples and explain how they back your view.
language
Check spelling and grammar; use simple, correct words.
logic
Explain how changing funds helps people, not just say it.
structure
Clear final idea that you take a stand.
content
The topic is important and you use real issues.
analysis
There is some attempt to discuss other views.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
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