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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph displays how
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
participants
Use synonyms
 who follow five different
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 in Melbourne, Australia
between
Punctuation problem
, between
show examples
 2000
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club is the most popular activity
while
Linking Words
 musical performances
become
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the
least
Correct word choice
fewest
show examples
participants
Use synonyms
. In 2000, about 65
people
Use synonyms
 came to join
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club.
Then
Linking Words
, approximately 35
people
Use synonyms
done
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 martial
arts
Use synonyms
, 25
people
Use synonyms
 followed amateur dramatics, and the rest of them, about 15
people
Use synonyms
,
done
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 martial
arts
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 there was no one
watched
Correct pronoun usage
who watched
show examples
 the musical performance. Over the years,
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club and martial
arts
Use synonyms
 remained stable, and reached almost
similar
Correct word choice
the same
show examples
 number of
participants
Use synonyms
 compared to the first year in 2020.
However
Linking Words
, table tennis increased slightly until 2010, and crossed amateur dramatics
this
Linking Words
 time.
Then
Linking Words
, it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
also
Linking Words
 crossed with martial
arts
Use synonyms
 in 2015,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 that
significantly
Punctuation problem
, significantly
show examples
 up to 55 in 2020.
Additionally
Linking Words
, musical performances had a similar trend as well, until
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 got 20
people
Use synonyms
 in 2020. Different from others, amateur dramatics showed a downward trend.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 reached a peak in 2005, with just under 30
participants
Use synonyms
, it fell dramatically until
got
Correct pronoun usage
it got
show examples
 under 10
people
Use synonyms
 in 2020,
became
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 the unpopular
activitiy
Correct your spelling
activity
 of all.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, people, arts with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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