Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Nowadays, some people assume that

parents

Use synonyms

have the main important role in their children's improvement.

However

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, others believe that external factors,

such

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friends

Use synonyms

and TV are more important than other options. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall elaborate on both sides and discuss my opinion more. On the one hand, it is obvious that dads and moms can develop their children's skills as they know their characteristics much better than others.

In other words

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, they will be able to mentor them for a well-structured prospect in terms of knowing their psychological features.

Also

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, if kids trust their

parents

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, they will be able to boost their enhancement since they are enthusiastic about covering their needs.

Moreover

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, it is vital to share our path with older ones,

such

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parents

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due to

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their experiences which are suitable for our progress over the long period.

For example

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, in India, most kids tend to consult with their families to find proper job opportunities that can guarantee their future through their expertise.

On the other hand

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firstly

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, critics argue that the atmosphere is much more important than other features. They think that some environmental items,

such

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friends

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, can change our lifestyle and our development.

Secondly

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, they try to prove that some

friends

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are more trustworthy.

Thus

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, it is better to rely on them.

However

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, I strongly believe that social media and classmates are as significant as

parents

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. So, it is vital to consider a balance between these two items which can ensure our success.

For instance

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, in the USA, psychologists understand that it is advisable to have a balance between our families and our friendships, as we need both of them for constructive advancement. In conclusion,

parents

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can assist their children through their mentorship for clear prospects.

However

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, it is essential to pay attention to the role of social media and

friends

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Thus

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, based on my idea, it is necessary to consider a balance between them to achieve our goals successfully.

ali.pazoki72Tue Aug 13 2024

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task response

Your essay addresses the task, discussing both views and providing your own opinion, which is a strong point. However, the examples provided could be more relevant and specific to the points you are making. Try to use specific scenarios that more directly illustrate how parents or external factors influence child development.

coherence and cohesion

While your essay follows a logical structure and the introduction and conclusion are clear, some areas can be refined for better flow. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Avoid using filler phrases such as 'it is obvious' and focus on making your points concise and clear.

coherence and cohesion

The main points you make are generally well-supported. However, the link between the points about parents and their influence could be stronger if you included more detailed examples or statistics. It might be beneficial to break down each external factor and discuss them individually rather than grouping friends and TV together.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion of both views, setting a clear framework for your essay.

coherence and cohesion

The conclusion ties back to your introduction and reinforces your opinion, which helps to ensure your essay has a consistent argument throughout.

task response

Your ideas are clear and primarily well-organized, making it easy to follow your argument.

12
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

328 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

primary educators
role models
emotional support
psychological development
expose to new ideas
broaden horizons
social skills
sense of belonging
identity formation
regulate content
mitigating potential negative impacts
important life skills
negotiation
empathy
conflict resolution
quality of the relationship
lasting impact
self-esteem
mental health
educational programs
supplement school education
additional learning opportunities

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Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. discuss both these views and give your own opinion

nowadays mass media hides the truth and misguides the people. what are the resons behind it and how is it affecting the society at large?

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In some countries, many people choose to educate children at home by themselves instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?