Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Nowadays, some people assume that
parents
have the main important role in their children's improvement. However
, others believe that external factors, such
as friends
and TV are more important than other options. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall elaborate on both sides and discuss my opinion more.
On the one hand, it is obvious that dads and moms can develop their children's skills as they know their characteristics much better than others. In other words
, they will be able to mentor them for a well-structured prospect in terms of knowing their psychological features. Also
, if kids trust their parents
, they will be able to boost their enhancement since they are enthusiastic about covering their needs. Moreover
, it is vital to share our path with older ones, such
as parents
, due to
their experiences which are suitable for our progress over the long period. For example
, in India, most kids tend to consult with their families to find proper job opportunities that can guarantee their future through their expertise.
On the other hand
, firstly
, critics argue that the atmosphere is much more important than other features. They think that some environmental items, such
as friends
, can change our lifestyle and our development. Secondly
, they try to prove that some friends
are more trustworthy. Thus
, it is better to rely on them. However
, I strongly believe that social media and classmates are as significant as parents
. So, it is vital to consider a balance between these two items which can ensure our success. For instance
, in the USA, psychologists understand that it is advisable to have a balance between our families and our friendships, as we need both of them for constructive advancement.
In conclusion, parents
can assist their children through their mentorship for clear prospects. However
, it is essential to pay attention to the role of social media and friends
. Thus
, based on my idea, it is necessary to consider a balance between them to achieve our goals successfully.Submitted by ali.pazoki72 on
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task response
Your essay addresses the task, discussing both views and providing your own opinion, which is a strong point. However, the examples provided could be more relevant and specific to the points you are making. Try to use specific scenarios that more directly illustrate how parents or external factors influence child development.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay follows a logical structure and the introduction and conclusion are clear, some areas can be refined for better flow. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Avoid using filler phrases such as 'it is obvious' and focus on making your points concise and clear.
coherence and cohesion
The main points you make are generally well-supported. However, the link between the points about parents and their influence could be stronger if you included more detailed examples or statistics. It might be beneficial to break down each external factor and discuss them individually rather than grouping friends and TV together.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion of both views, setting a clear framework for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion ties back to your introduction and reinforces your opinion, which helps to ensure your essay has a consistent argument throughout.
task response
Your ideas are clear and primarily well-organized, making it easy to follow your argument.