IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that technological advancements have made our lives more convenient, while others argue that these developments have led to disconnection and isolation in society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 hold
an
Correct article usage
the
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 idea that in recent years,
technology
Use synonyms
 has enhanced the quality of
people
Use synonyms
’s lives in every
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as communication. Others argue that
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
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 relationship between
people
Use synonyms
 in a society is a consequence of
development
Correct word choice
technological development
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 in
technology
Use synonyms
. I believe that
although
Linking Words
 it might have a negative influence on the bond between
people
Use synonyms
, its benefits
over weights
Use the right word
outweigh
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 its drawbacks. On the one hand, in
cyber
Correct article usage
the cyber
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 era,
people
Use synonyms
 have a tendency to spend their time on the internet rather than hanging out with each other face to face.
In other words
Linking Words
, they prefer to text each other and post a comment on social media platforms.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is claimed that most
people
Use synonyms
 waiting for their orders in restaurants use their
smart phone
Use the right word
smartphones
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 for surfing
in
Change preposition
apply
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the
net
Check wording
internet
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instead
Linking Words
 of communicating with their companies.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it might have a negative impact on the social bonds.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, advancements in
technology
Use synonyms
 probably lead to
secluded
Correct article usage
a secluded
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 community.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 has numerous advantages which
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life more convenient. One of its benefits is
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
related to communication. It is probably true to say that
technology
Use synonyms
 promotes the methods of correlation.
For example
Linking Words
, in
todays’
Check wording
today’s
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 world,
people
Use synonyms
 are able to communicate with their friends and family members living abroad via video calls easily,
while
Linking Words
 in the past they had to send
mails
Use the right word
emails
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 or make calls
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 probably expensive.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 education more convenient. Nowadays, there are countless websites providing an opportunity to learn every subject.
For instance
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, youtube.com is one of them
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 many educational videos
such
Linking Words
 as teaching a new language. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 development in
technology
Use synonyms
 may cause
secluded
Correct article usage
a secluded
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 society and deteriorate the bond between
people
Use synonyms
, I strongly believe that its benefits cannot be unconsidered.
Technology
Use synonyms
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
 in numerous aspects
such
Linking Words
 as communication and education.

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improvement
Make one clear main idea in each paragraph and start with a simple topic sentence.
strategy
Use linking words to show how ideas connect and use a clear order of ideas.
example
Give simple and clear examples to back up your points.
error correction
Check grammar and use correct phrase forms, like 'in every field', 'outweigh', and 'today's'.
content
The essay shows a balance of views and your own opinion.
structure
There is a clear overall structure: intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
cohesion
There are some good links between ideas that show contrasts.
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