IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think the government should take measures regarding the healthy lifestyles of individuals. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.( Health)

People
Use synonyms
 hold different views about whether the
government
Use synonyms
 should take measures towards the healthy lifestyle of
individuals
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that it is supposed to be managed by
people
Use synonyms
, others believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 Use synonyms authoritylawministrypoliticspowerregimerulestateunionbureaucracy It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 you want to do the opposite for a high band score. should take some serious steps to minimise the unhealthy lifestyle of
individuals
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, with the steps taken by the law,
individuals
Use synonyms
 are still responsible for their
health
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, the public is inclined towards the measures that the
government
Use synonyms
 should take, believing that
this
Linking Words
 is a public
health
Use synonyms
 issue and should be tackled properly. There should be viable taxes on fast food, which can cause high levels of cholesterol and other
health
Use synonyms
 problems. Public campaigns should be organised to spread awareness about a good diet and a bad diet, and
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
. The
government
Use synonyms
 should invest in public hospitals, parks and other
health
Use synonyms
 facilities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who think it is supposed to be managed by
individuals
Use synonyms
 themselves, believe that
health
Use synonyms
 is our responsibility, it is said our body is a temple , and we should know how to take care of it, by giving it a proper diet it deserves,
people
Use synonyms
 should know about a healthy lifestyle and work on themselves
accordingly
Linking Words
. I believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should read about the different articles on the internet, newspapers that tell us about healthy living and why it is worth it.
At the end
Linking Words
, it is better to invest in yourself rather than waiting for the
government
Use synonyms
 to take initiative. In conclusion, balancing
government
Use synonyms
 policies and individual action and responsibility can lead to healthier lives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Improve task response by making your main opinion clear in the conclusion and give one or two strong examples to back it up.
coherence
Boost coherence by using clear topic sentences and shorter sentences. Use linking words to show how ideas connect.
lexical
Use more familiar words and avoid long phrases. Keep to simple, common words so the reader easily follows.
grammar
Improve grammar and accuracy. Watch verb forms and articles and fix small errors that slow reading.
content
You discuss both sides and give a view.
coherence
You give real ideas such as taxes on fast food and health campaigns.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • economic stability
  • national productivity
  • healthcare costs
  • chronic diseases
  • public awareness campaigns
  • subsidized gym memberships
  • socio-economic groups
  • personalized health plans
  • intrinsic motivation
  • government mandates
  • non-compliance
  • personal freedom
  • governmental intervention
  • personal responsibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: