Some people believe that money is the most important factor in achieving happiness, while others think happiness depends on other factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is no denying the fact that

money

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plays

crucial

Correct article usage

a crucial

show examples

role in individuals' lives,

while

Linking Words

some believe that

money

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is important for

people

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achieving

Wrong verb form

achieve

show examples

happiness

Use synonyms

, others argue that

happiness

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depends on Differents factors.

Linking Words

this

Fix capitalization

This

show examples

essay will discuss both views and express my opinion. On one hand,

money

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help

people

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with many things and rich

people

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have more benefits than others,

however

Linking Words

, nowaday, everything in adult's lives depends on

money

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such

Linking Words

as health care, School fees, and bills,

therefore

Linking Words

, when individuals increase their

money

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and be able to pay every bills and buy more stuff they need, it will lead to achieving

happiness

Use synonyms

sometimes because they do not need to think a lot about small things and they spend their time traveling and following their dreams.

On the other hand

Linking Words

money

Use synonyms

not the most important factor in achieving

happiness

Use synonyms

however

Linking Words

, some believe that

happiness

Use synonyms

come from heart and from others factors,

for example

Linking Words

, family, friends, safe and good job,

moreover

Linking Words

, not every problem can humen solve it with

money

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and there is sometime even when person have

money

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they struggle with a lot of things, In one recent study, shown about 55% of rich

people

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they suffer from depression and many mental health problems and they wish to be good . In conclusion, there is no easy answer for

this

Linking Words

question

Punctuation problem

;

show examples

however

Linking Words

Fix capitalization

show examples

tend to believe that sometimes

money

Use synonyms

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

life easier

but

Punctuation problem

, but

show examples

it is not the most important factor in achieving

happiness

Use synonyms

, because families and good health are more essential

alhanouf.989

Jan 19, 2026

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grammar

Improve grammar and sentence form to avoid errors that blur meaning.

structure

Break long ideas into short, clear sentences.

coherence

Make each paragraph hold one main idea and link ideas with simple words.

coherence

Use more simple, clear examples to support points.

structure

The essay shows a plan: two sides written and a personal view at end.

coherence

It uses contrast links like on the one hand, on the other hand.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

251 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Essential factor
Promote happiness
Sense of fulfillment
Social connections
Well-being
Physical health
Mental health
Goals and ambitions
Sense of purpose
Fulfillment
Engaging in activities
Hobbies
Gratitude
Contentment
Supportive community
Inclusive environment

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Some people believe that money is the most important factor in achieving happiness, while others think happiness depends on other factors. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is no doubt that the evolution of technology has affected every aspect of our lives, while some would argue that this development has made people’s lives harder. I believe that it has actually eased our life in many forms.

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Other people think that it is a fault of the parents. Discuss both side and give your opinion

In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service* instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?