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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward student who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Rewarding students who are academic achievers is reasonable because it means that they try hard to become good at these subjects.
However
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, those who are not prominent in
this
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 field
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not mean that they do not try. We should normalise giving attention to kids who show progress. Their academic results do not determine how attentive they are. Some kids are born with the ability to perceive things faster,
while
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 others have to spend much more time to understand. As a fast learner, not much time is required for me to process information compared to other people I know, even if they try harder.
Therefore
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, understanding every child’s background and perspective should be more crucial for schools. By giving kids rewards even though they do not do well in school, it can actually invigorate them to be more eager to learn. Children’s feelings are usually based on how they are treated. If there is discrimination, children would feel left out and feel like they do not try hard enough.
As a result
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, they might push themselves too much. In the worst case,
this
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 can lead to depression. To summarise, schools should pay attention to all of their students since each child has a different personality and background. Schools should try to get to know them better so that students do not feel like they are alone in
this
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 world

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structure
Your text shows some good ideas about both sides. To make this strong, make your view clear in the first part and then keep each sentence tied to that view.
overview
Name both views in a short intro, then give your own view in a clear way at the end.
grammar
Use simple words and short sentences. Check small grammar errors like 'does not' should be 'do not' and 'This field' is not needed.
content
Add more specific examples from school life that back each idea. E.g., a rule about rewards, a case of a student who grows with praise.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides and has a final view.
structure
There is a closing line that restates the main idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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