IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that overeating is harmful and advertising for some food products should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Eating in large portions has become a serious issue regarding
health
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, and the advertisements about
food
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 products should be restricted. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as many effects would happen, including a negative influence on children, which is harmful, and an increased risk to
health
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. Younger humans will get the negative impact from
food
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 that has been advertised. It is a common thing that children don't know the nutrition contained in the
food
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. They are dominantly lacking knowledge about nutrition, and it isn't taught to them when they were young.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the advertisement sometimes uses eye-catching styles to get humans' attention.
For example
Linking Words
, Coca-Cola makes a collaboration ad with sports to introduce them to that type of drink. We all know that Coca-Cola is sugar-dominating.
As a result
Linking Words
, young people know that Coca-Cola is a healthy drink for sports and consume more than the recommended maximum consumption. Another important reason to ban advertising for certain
food
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 products is that ads potentially increase
health
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 risk.
Food
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 advertisements are associated with unhealthy content.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to serious problems if consumed in excess. When people are easily exposed to that product without being told about the contamination, they will prefer to eat it in excess of the recommended amount.
For instance
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 many cases of obesity are happening because of alcohol drinking.
Therefore
Linking Words
, limiting
this
Linking Words
 type of advertising would reduce the risk to
health
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. In conclusion, I fully agree with the statement that certain
food
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 products should be banned from advertising
due to
Linking Words
 growing
health
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 problems and the decline in the
health
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 of the young generation. As the ad is banned, it would reduce the portion of unhealthy product consumption.

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structure
Make your view clear in one line at the start and end with a short wrap up.
coherence
Each paragraph should have one main idea; add a topic sentence.
coherence
Link ideas to the main claim with easy words, like 'because', 'so', 'also'.
evidence
Give more real facts or proof for your points.
grammar
Fix grammar and use short, simple sentences.
lexical
Use simple words and keep to the top 100 words.
content
Clear position and repeated stance in the essay.
content
Some good examples used, like Coca-Cola and sports tie-in.
coherence
Use of linking words to move ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ad
  • ads
  • ban
  • limit
  • rule
  • law
  • health
  • food
  • eat
  • child
  • kid
  • parent
  • time
  • age
  • risk
  • plan
  • policy
  • fact
  • label
  • warning
  • choice
  • education
  • business
  • market
  • people
  • they
  • we
  • this
  • that
  • one
  • better
  • see
  • use
  • amount
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