IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

The world that we live in today is dominated by
risks
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, people have access to changes or challenges. The problem appears when these options become an obligation. From my point of view, the disadvantages of taking
risks
Use synonyms
 outweigh the advantages.
To begin
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 with, the majority of individuals are unable to take
risks
Use synonyms
 in their daily duties
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as making decisions at work with their workmates.
For
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this
Linking Words
 reason, they demand the possibility of taking
risks
Use synonyms
 as a goal
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 some employers accept it to make it easier to obtain benefits for the company, as businesses will never think about personal growth.
For instance
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, the results of a survey conducted in Spain showed that the companies which allow their employees to take control of their duties had more income in 2020. Another notable aspect of the problem is that it leads to harmful consequences,
such
Linking Words
 as losing your job, which involves danger because they can't opt for a mortgage and
independent
Correct article usage
an independent
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 economy, which is not appropriate
for
Change preposition
at
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 their moment.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these actions affect their future financial stability and may harm their career development.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a great advantage is that we can have control of
your
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 life thanks to the correct decisions and discussion with experienced people. They can help to follow the
good
Correct word choice
right
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way
Check wording
path
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
appropriate
Correct word choice
right
show examples
moment
Check wording
time
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. Taking
risks
Use synonyms
 can be positive as long as it is done with planning and responsibility . In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are some advantages that can bring significant benefits ,in my opinion, the disadvantages must be taken into consideration because irresponsible decisions can have an impact change and,
consequently
Linking Words
, complicate your future.

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task response
Be sure your view is clear in the first paragraph and keep the same point all through. Add strong reasons and clear, specific examples to prove them.
coherence and cohesion
Make the flow easy to follow. Use a clear topic sentence in each paragraph and connect ideas with simple links like and, but, also, for example, in addition, however.
task response
You show a true view that dislikes risk when not planned, so the tone is ready for this task.
coherence and cohesion
You use one real example (the Spain survey) which helps keep the point real.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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