IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many cities are now turning parks and farmland into new housing developments. Is this a positive or negative development?

Green spaces in many metropolises are being transformed into residential districts. I consider
this
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 phenomenon undesirable for several compelling reasons. The environmental repercussions of city development deserve scrutiny. The alteration and expansion of dwelling areas often entail massive deforestation.
This
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 land-intensive nature of housing construction lends weight to the argument that even a modest apartment building generally necessitates land equivalent to the size of a small park. Environmental experts affirm
this
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 viewpoint, stating that removing woodlands erodes biodiversity-rich habitats, ultimately wreaking havoc on ecological systems.
Furthermore
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, the disappearance of vegetation may deteriorate air quality. As plants serve to purify the air through photosynthesis, the depletion of
such
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 natural resources can exacerbate atmospheric contamination, which, in turn, can accelerate the pace of global warming. Admittedly, an increase in the number of housing units to accommodate the growing population can balance supply with demand, which helps prevent undue rent inflation.
However
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, vanishing urban greenery can exert adverse effects on mental health. Exposure to natural settings is deemed an effective approach to regaining a sense of equilibrium. A recent survey indicates that patients with depression show symptom improvement by spending a few hours at a botanical garden.
According to
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 psychologists, in today's digital society, where people are constantly exposed to data and notifications, information overload constitutes a silent factor in mental fatigue. In essence, limited access to natural environments may lead to a reduction in invaluable opportunities for urban citizens to connect with nature, potentially undermining psychological well-being on a broader societal level. In conclusion,
although
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 the transformation of open spaces into housing estates in cities brings certain benefits,
this
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 tendency is detrimental, particularly in terms of triggering anthropogenic environmental degradation and impairing public mental health.

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strength
Your view is clear and you give reasons.
improvement
To improve task response, say at once what you think and add a short clear example.
improvement
Give one strong example for each reason to back up your points.
improvement
Make each paragraph start with a simple topic sentence to show its main point.
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Use simple linking words to connect ideas and move from one idea to the next.
strength
The argument is easy to follow and the view is clear.
strength
Reasons link to the topic of city growth and people health.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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