IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many believe that the goal of one's career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people select
Use synonyms
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 to follow their dreams
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
work
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 field and develop
Use synonyms
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
 after.
Everyperson
Correct your spelling
Every person
 has
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 approach towards personal
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 behind various
career
Use synonyms
 pathways. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both views and give my opinion
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, People develop
Use synonyms
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
in
Linking Words
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 area of
work
Use synonyms
 over time.
This
Linking Words
 is mostly seen in high school children. Students get
idea
Correct article usage
an idea
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
,
also
Linking Words
 subjects like science, arts or music bring
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
 to school kids too .
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
interest
Use synonyms
 drives them to make refined decisions and better
career
Use synonyms
 selections.
For instance
Linking Words
, one survey conducted online shows participants who are following their passion, making sound money at
work
Use synonyms
along
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the side.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is evident that the
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 aim behind
area
Correct article usage
the area
show examples
 of
work
Use synonyms
 would be following
Correct article usage
an undevided
show examples
undevided
Correct your spelling
undivided
interest
Use synonyms
 or passion. On the other side, People
also
Linking Words
 aim for
steady
Correct article usage
a steady
show examples
life
Use synonyms
, livelihood behind
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
career
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will not only give
motivatation
Correct your spelling
motivation
 to perform better at
work
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 provide job satisfaction in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 run.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, once one
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 good experience
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
work
Use synonyms
, they will get
steady
Correct article usage
a steady
show examples
 income and later come up with
fine
Correct article usage
a fine
show examples
Use synonyms
work
Use the right word
work-life
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 balance. The whole idea of goal behind
this
Linking Words
 mindset is to collect memories and make
life
Use synonyms
 more meaningful.
To sum up
Linking Words
, and give my personal opinion, I think it is more profitable to keep in mind both the mindset following passion and livelihood behind chasing
career
Use synonyms
 and
work
Use synonyms
 pathways.
Overall
Linking Words
, it will create
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact,
sound
Correct article usage
a sound
show examples
 balance between
career
Use synonyms
 and
life
Use synonyms
.

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language
Improve grammar and fix spelling errors to make the text clearer.
coherence
Use clear linking words to show how ideas connect from one sentence to the next.
content
Give one clear example for each view to back up your point.
structure
Write a shorter, clear intro and a short conclusion that restate your view.
vocabulary
Choose simpler words and shorter phrases to fit the simple top 100 word rule.
content
The essay tries to discuss both views and gives an opinion.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
content
Some ideas show awareness of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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