Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, there is an inclination that people do not obtain adequate sleep compared to the past, and
this
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resulting on human health reduction significantly, eventually leading to various illnesses. In
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essay, I will explain the triggers of
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phenomenon and sensible solutions to solve
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problem.
To begin
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with, the market job is more competitive than ever before, and employees work so hard, sometimes until midnight
to
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, to
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achieve their employer’s target, and
this
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leads to a reduction in the number of
hours
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they spend on sleep.
For example
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, the employees in Ernst and Young work until 2 p.m. to complete the audit process.
As a result
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, they only sleep for 5
hours
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, and
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risks their physical and mental health, mainly diseases
such
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as heart attack and impairment of kidney function.
Furthermore
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, stress
due to
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the pressure of a worse financial condition
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contributes to the insufficiency of time they spend resting in bed.
Consequently
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, they are more vulnerable to harmful chronic insomnia because their focus is significantly distracted. To address
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problem, promoting a work-life balance is essential to improve sleep quality, and no overtime is allowed.
For example
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, in Australia, the government limits maximum working
hours
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to 40
hours
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per week.
Moreover
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, reducing screen time on smartphones and replacing
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activity with carrying out physical sports
such
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as jogging or gym is
also
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crucial because it will alleviate stress, and eventually lead to sufficient sleep. In conclusion, I contend that long working
hours
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and stress are the main contributors to sleep deprivation.
However
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, I believe that promoting work-life balance and taking physical activities is useful to enhance sleep quality.

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weakness
Your task response is good but needs more proof and details. Add more clear facts and steps.
improvement
Link ideas with clear topic sentences and use shorter lines to keep flow. Each paragraph can have one main idea.
improvement
Fix grammar and word form. Use simple, short sentences.
strength
You state the issue and give a plan.
strength
You use linking words like To begin with, Furthermore, In conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
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