IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

There is no denying the fact
Correct word choice
that It
show examples
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 can be difficult for small local
shops
Use synonyms
 to compete with large
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 and with
on-line
Use the right word
online
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
. How does
this
Linking Words
 affect local communities
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Linking Words
while
Fix capitalization
While
show examples
 it is a commonly held belief that
the
Correct pronoun usage
it the
show examples
diffcult
Correct your spelling
difficult
comparing
Wrong verb form
to compare
show examples
 between
smail
Correct your spelling
small
 local
shops
Use synonyms
 and
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 , there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it . In my opinion ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 consider that it is
diffcult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 for small
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local
shops
Use synonyms
 can compare
Use synonyms
supermarkets
Change preposition
with supermarkets
show examples
 .
Linking Words
to
Fix capitalization
To
show examples
 begin with,
products
Use synonyms
 variety . In other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
,
lager
Use the right word
larger
show examples
supermarkest
Correct your spelling
supermarkets
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
many
Correct word choice
a wide
show examples
 variety of
products
Use synonyms
 like different , cleaning , meat, nuts and soda
products
Use synonyms
 .
In addition
Linking Words
 , most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
supermarkets
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had fresh and daily items .
For example
Linking Words
 ,
last
Linking Words
 week I
was want
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
 to buy home`s
requirments
Correct your spelling
requirements
I
Punctuation problem
. I
show examples
went to
mall
Correct article usage
the mall
show examples
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 it
is they have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
lager
Use the right word
larger
show examples
supermarkets
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I found all what I
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 there. Another point to consider, the discounts
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 the
lager
Use the right word
larger
show examples
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 give the customers .It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that
ever
Use the right word
every
show examples
 black friday and events
also
Linking Words
 in
festivals
Fix the agreement mistake
festival
show examples
 years.
Moreover
Linking Words
, discounts
voutchours
Check wording
are available
show examples
 when you buy some
staff
Use the right word
stuff
show examples
 in a
cachers
Check wording
store
show examples
they
Punctuation problem
; they
show examples
 give you discounts
voutchours
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 black friday at the
supermarket
Add a comma
supermarket,
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 found 50% off on the
products
Use synonyms
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
i was want
Wrong verb form
I wanted
show examples
 to buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In conclusion ,
despit
Correct your spelling
despite
 people having different views, I believe that it
difficult
Verb problem
is difficult
show examples
 for small local
shops
Use synonyms
 to compete with large
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 and it
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
harmful
Correct article usage
a harmful
show examples
 impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
local communities
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it
killed
Wrong verb form
kills
show examples
 the small local
shops
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay with a clear plan: intro, 2 body parts, and a short end.
planning
Make a small map of ideas to show how small shops affect a town and what can be done.
cohesion
Use simple link words to show order: First, Next, Also, Finally.
coherence
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and connect ideas directly.
grammar
Check basic grammar, especially subject-verb and plural n, and use punctuation.
task response
Add a clear conclusion that restates your view and what could be done.
content
The topic is set and your view is given.
content
You use a personal example from your life.
critical thinking
You show some effort to give both sides.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economies of scale
  • local employment opportunities
  • cultural diversity
  • community engagement
  • property prices
  • homogenization of the retail environment
  • social gathering points
  • unique and specialized products
  • local heritage preservation
  • online retailers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: