IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people believe money is the best gift for teenagers while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people consider
money
Use synonyms
 the best present for youngsters , but others argue
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 viewpoint.
Linking Words
While giving
Change preposition
Giving
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 as a
gift
Use synonyms
 to young ones could teach them
money
Use synonyms
 management and
be
Verb problem
make them
show examples
 more independent. But I think having some
cash
Use synonyms
 in hand without any hard work can spoil them. On the one hand, youngsters can learn many skills related to
money
Use synonyms
 when they receive it as a
gift
Use synonyms
 , like
cash
Use synonyms
 management, saving, and careful spending. which is more likely to help them when they grow up.
because
Fix capitalization
Because
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 when a person knows how to manage, invest, and save earnings,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can achieve success faster.
Moreover
Linking Words
, having a limited amount of
money
Use synonyms
 in pocket can teach how to avoid unnecessary spending.
For example
Linking Words
, during my childhood, whenever I got
money
Use synonyms
 as an offering from my relatives, I collected it in my piggy bank and used it when I wanted to buy a toy. In
this
Linking Words
 way, it made me independent , and
lessons
Correct article usage
the lessons
show examples
 I learned since
then
Linking Words
 have proved to be useful till now.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, giving
money
Use synonyms
 to teenagers as a
gift
Use synonyms
 could possibly spoil them. Because
cash
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
 in the hands of young
ones
Check wording
people
show examples
 can distract them and lead them into
wrong
Correct word choice
bad
show examples
 habits. Indeed, youth are highly influenced by their peer groups , and they can utilise
Use synonyms
money
Correct article usage
the money
show examples
 given
Use synonyms
money
Check wording
apply
show examples
to buy drugs.
For instance
Linking Words
, most of the young boys in India spend the
money
Use synonyms
 received from
elders
Correct pronoun usage
their elders
show examples
 to buy beer and other prohibited substances.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is less likely to expact from a young person to use a monetary
gift
Use synonyms
 for useful things ; they mostly buy video games and tech devices , which distract them from studying. In conclusion, despite having some advantages of a
cash
Use synonyms
gift
Use synonyms
, I believe that it can provide harm to youngsters by allowing them to buy illegal substances , which can hinder their development.

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task
To make task better, state a clear view early and add strong, clear reasons for your choice. Give more than one strong example.
coherence
To be clear in body and flow, use linking words well and keep ideas in order. Start each sentence with a capital letter and finish with a full stop.
language
Check grammar and keep simple, short sentences. Use common words and make ideas easy to read.
content
You show both sides and give your own view.
structure
There is a clear ending that states your view.
examples
Personal example helps to show your point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • budget
  • save
  • informed spending decisions
  • personal preferences
  • practical and efficient
  • unwanted or inappropriate gifts
  • impersonal
  • emotional value
  • thoughtfulness
  • personal consideration
  • wise financial decisions
  • frivolously
  • lasting memories and experiences
  • educational courses
  • hobby-related equipment
  • long-lasting positive impact
  • fostering interests and skills
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