IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today many people are leaving the countryside and small villages to live in big cities. Why do people do this and What problem does this cause?

The world has changed drastically
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 that includes where
people
Use synonyms
 live. Today
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 are leaving the countryside and small villages to live in big cities.They do
this
Linking Words
 for many different
reasons
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the
reasons
Use synonyms
 for leaving villages to live in cities and the
problems
Use synonyms
 it causes. On the one hand, there are many
reasons
Use synonyms
 for leaving the countryside and small villages for
city
Use synonyms
 life.
First,
Linking Words
they do
this
Linking Words
 for their family.
For example
Linking Words
, the
city
Use synonyms
 has much more to offer.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are better schools, hospitals and shopping malls. Second,the most important reason is the work.Most of them are moving because they want to have a comfortable job.
For instance
Linking Words
,working in a company that
has
Verb problem
offers
show examples
 good salaries offers a higher quality of life.
Finally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 want to be near the facilities.They want to be near the hospitals,supermarkets and malls to
be
Verb problem
make it
show examples
 easier for them to reach the place they want to go.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many
problems
Use synonyms
 that moving to big cities causes. First,there will be many traffic jams every day.Traffic jams cause many accidents that may cost
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
Also
Linking Words
,
trafiic
Correct your spelling
traffic
problems
Use synonyms
 waste
people
Use synonyms
's time. Second,if many
people
Use synonyms
 come to the
city
Use synonyms
, there will be an increase in population density.That leads to many
problems
Use synonyms
 , and there will be a little jobs available.
Such
Linking Words
 as competition for jobs.Workers may get small salaries , but the prices are very high.
This
Linking Words
 might lead to poverty and families needing assistance. In conclusion, there are multiple
reasons
Use synonyms
 why
people
Use synonyms
 move to the
city
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 immigration pattern can create many
city
Use synonyms
problems
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To do better, add more clear facts and specific examples for each reason and problem. Say exactly what you think and how it works. Do not repeat ideas. Keep the view clear from start to end.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with easy words. Start one idea and then use 'also', 'but', 'however', or 'in addition' to join. Check the flow from one part to the next. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea.
structure
There is a clear plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
content
The writer shows why people move to towns.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: