IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today many people are leaving the countryside and small villages to live in big cities. Why do people do this and What problem does this cause?

Many
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to leave the countryside and small
villages
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 to live in big
cities
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.They think
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 better for them to live in
cities
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.I will not deny it because there are many good
reasons
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 to live in big
cities
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the
reasons
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 for leaving the countryside and small
villages
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 to live in big
cities
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 and the causes of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
. On the one hand,there are many
reasons
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 for moving to big
cities
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.
First,
Linking Words
most
people
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 go to big
cities
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 to have a great job. In the
villages
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 there won'
t
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 be jobs you can do because it's small and there are a lot of
people
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 .
For
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example
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,
people
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 who are travelling over the seas to get a job which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a nice salary.Second,it's more comfortable to live in a place that has a lot of modern equipment.The lifestyle in big
cities
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 will be easier than the lifestyle in
villages
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 for many
reasons
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.
For
Linking Words
example
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,in big
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cities
Punctuation problem
cities,
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 there will be prepared meals you can buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
supermarkets
Punctuation problem
supermarkets,
show examples
also
Linking Words
 you can
order
Rephrase
also order
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 food in your place
Punctuation problem
. on
show examples
on
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the opposite of planting and
do
Verb problem
prepare
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food in the house by yourself in the
villages
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.
Finally
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, some
people
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 leave because they want to be near their families.
In addition
Linking Words
,it
'
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 s good for them to live in big
cities
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 because it nurtures
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 talents. There will be many causes for leaving the small
villages
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 to live in big
cities
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.First,big
cities
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 will be much better than
now
Punctuation problem
now,
show examples
also
Linking Words
 it will improve to be a magnificent city.That makes the
villages
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 abundant
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 their
people
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 won'
t
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 live in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 again.
For
Linking Words
example
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,
Who
Fix capitalization
who
show examples
 gets a certificate and wants to move to the city to work there
instead
Linking Words
 of working in the village
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Second,the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of citizens will decrease in small
villages
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is bad.Maybe there won'
t
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 be any
people
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 living
there
Punctuation problem
there,
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also
Linking Words
 it may be scary.
For
Linking Words
example
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, there will be only the old
people
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 living there
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes the economy of the village not good.
Finally
Linking Words
,there will be a traffic jam and many
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
 in
cities
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.The time of the work will be the same
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 there are many possibilities of
cars accident
Fix the agreement mistake
car accidents
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
example
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,students,teachers and engineers
going
Verb problem
are going
show examples
 to their jobs at the same time. In conclusion,leaving the countryside to live in
cities
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 has many effects on
people
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's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.The
reasons
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 are many
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
people
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 should look at the good side of living in
villages
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 like the nature and the composure
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it. Both living in
cities
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 or
villages
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 are great
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
people
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 shouldn'
t
Use synonyms
 think that living in
cities
Use synonyms
 is better than living in
villages
Use synonyms
.

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planning
Plan your answer by listing three ideas: 1) why people leave the countryside, 2) the problems this causes, 3) a short closing thought. Then write a clear intro, body with a topic sentence for each paragraph, and a simple conclusion.
coherence
Make each paragraph start with a strong topic sentence that states the main point. Use linking words to show how ideas connect.
language
Use only simple grammar and short sentences. Check subject-verb agreement and plural forms. Avoid long, complex sentences that make errors.
content
Give specific and realistic examples for each point. Avoid vague statements like It will be bad; say traffic grows or more people move away, and explain how that affects towns.
conclusion
End with a concise conclusion that restates the main answer and offers a simple view or suggestion.
structure
There is a clear intro and conclusion.
content
The essay shows an attempt to support points with examples.
coherence
Linking words like First, Second, Finally show connection between ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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