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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that economic growth always harms the environment. Others believe that economic growth is necessary even if it damages the environment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, there is a widespread controversy about
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 development in modern society.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe it is crucial for modern society to improve
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 even if it damages the
environment
Use synonyms
, other
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic
growth
Use synonyms
 always
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of environmental problems. In
this
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 essay, we will examine both points of view in depth. In my opinion, economic
growth
Use synonyms
 is essential for developed and developing
countries
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 to improve
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people
Check wording
people's
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 lives
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should implement some regulations to preserve the
environment
Use synonyms
 and avoid
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
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 of economic
growth
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.
To begin
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 with,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 for improving
Correct article usage
the economic
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economic
Replace the word
economy
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 in
countries
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should build more
manufactures
Replace the word
manufacturing
show examples
 and factories to gain more profits. These buildings cause serious problems for
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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;
for example
Linking Words
, these
manufactures
Use the right word
manufacturers
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 create
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 amount of carbon emission that affects air quality and increase temperature of world.
Moreover
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, all factories produce a
lot
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 of
garabage
Correct your spelling
garbage
 and
waste
Punctuation problem
waste,
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that
Correct word choice
and
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 releasing
those
Correct determiner usage
this
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 waste
in to
Use the right word
into
show examples
 the
environment
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cause
Replace the word
causes
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 a
lot
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 of problems for
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
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 and
threathen
Correct your spelling
threatens
 animals and plants
life
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
In addition
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, economic
growth
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 leads to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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the
Change preposition
in the
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 number of
people
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
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 population need
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
 for living. Building new houses destroys
Correct article usage
the enviroment
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enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of issues for the earth.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 argue that it is
unevitable
Correct your spelling
inevitable
 for modern society to improve
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 financial situation. Enhancing
people
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’s welfare and increasing their essential needs leads to enforce
government
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 provide their needs. There should be economic
growth
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 as the population grows.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
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 when every
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countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 in competition with other developed
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countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
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this
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 is highly essential for
government
Use synonyms
 to improve their economic situation to get stronger than the other developed
countries
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, both points of view have valid approaches toward
this
Linking Words
 argument. It is crucial to have concerns about
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 because it affects our lives in future. The best option is
providng
Correct your spelling
providing
 some global organisation to implement some regulation to
presevere
Correct your spelling
preserve
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is better that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 improve their economic
growth
Use synonyms
 based on environmental concerns and
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 taxes for companies that use eco-friendly products and
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 renewable energy as their source of energy.

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task
State your view in the first line and keep it in your last line. Do not change your mind in the end.
coherence
Let each paragraph have one clear main idea. Use simple link words to show how ideas go from one to the next.
language
Fix bad spell and word use. Use the most common words. Check words like environment, accommodation, garbage.
organization
The essay has a clear plan with four parts: intro, 2 body parts, and a end.
content
The writer gives good pills on how growth can cut on air and land and how people grow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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