IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

Nowadays,
through
Change preposition
with
show examples
Correct article usage
the developing
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developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
Use synonyms
technology
Change preposition
of technology
show examples
 in modern society, parents allow their
children
Use synonyms
 to
use
Use synonyms
 electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 like computers and tablets. Parents believe it is crucial for their
children
Use synonyms
 to play and
use
Use synonyms
 these
devices
Use synonyms
 to learn
technology
Use synonyms
skills
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. Many
people
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 believe
this
Linking Words
 approach has advantages for young
people
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 other
people
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 believe it
has
Correct word order
also has
show examples
also
Linking Words
 some disadvantages. In
this
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 essay, we will examine
this
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 topic in depth. In my opinion, the advantages of
this
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 issue outweigh its disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in modern society everyone should learn how to
use
Use synonyms
 electronic
devices
Use synonyms
. They should learn primary
technology
Use synonyms
skills
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 to provide essential needs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, playing on computers and
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
this
Linking Words
 opportunity to learn how to deal with
technology
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 issues;
for example
Linking Words
, when they play games and suddenly an unexpected problem happens, they learn how to search in
browser
Correct article usage
a browser
show examples
 to solve their
problems
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.
In addition
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,
When
Fix capitalization
when
show examples
 they play a
game
Punctuation problem
game,
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 they become
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 in how a game is created and developed
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they engage in learning code and programming to develop their own games.
On the other hand
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, it has some
problems
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 for young
people
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 to
use
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 these
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 for long hours.
This
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 may cause serious
problems
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 for their
eye sight
Use the right word
eyesight
show examples
 or other physical
problems
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;
for instance
Linking Words
, my cousin,who is
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
, suffers from wrist pain
during
Change preposition
while
show examples
 sitting at the desk
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using
Correct article usage
a laptops
show examples
laptops
Fix the agreement mistake
laptop
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it may cause serious
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 for their social
skills
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. Nowadays, most
children
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 lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
interaction and communication
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
skill
Punctuation problem
skill,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
isolation.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 using these
devices
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lose their concentration on their study and lessons.
it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
 can lower their grades in school. In conclusion, using these
devices
Use synonyms
 offers a lot of opportunities for
children
Use synonyms
 to learn tech-savvy
skills
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. It is parents' duty to limit their screen time to avoid its
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
. They should have supervision
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
children
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 and manage their time
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on electronic
devices
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.
However
Linking Words
, if they control their usage and have
schedule
Correct article usage
a schedule
show examples
 for their lessons and playing, it can help them and gain
technology
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
.

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task
State your main view clearly in the first or second sentence and stick to it. Add one or two strong facts or examples for each point.
coherence
Divide your writing into clear paragraphs with a topic sentence for each. Use simple linking words to show how ideas fit together.
purpose
Clear view that advantages may be more, not just a neutral talk.
structure
Some good linking words are used to show addition and contrast.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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