IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that too much attention and too many resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the issue of protecting wild
animals
Use synonyms
 has become a significant public concern.
While
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 some believe animal protection plays an important role, I contend that
people
Use synonyms
 should focus more on other pressing issues,
such
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 as health, education, or the environment.
This
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 essay will
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
show examples
 both perspectives in detail. On the one hand, it is essential to
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
show examples
 that individuals should have knowledge of the significant advantages associated with protecting
animals
Use synonyms
 and birds, which offer a variety of
benefits
Use synonyms
 that extend far beyond mere environmental protection issues. A crucial consideration is that
animals
Use synonyms
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 many
benefits
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for
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's lives, which highlights that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 ecological balance and maintain biodiversity.
In addition
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, another important point to
emphasize
Change the spelling
emphasise
show examples
 is that they help develop a healthy person.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that they provide for medical and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
defense
Replace the word
defend
show examples
againts
Correct your spelling
against
clime
Use the right word
climate
show examples
 change.
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to consider that the opposing viewpoint is that
people
Use synonyms
also
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 should invest in education or a healthy system. A significant factor to explore is that they help individuals improve many essential skills, which underscores that they enhance cognitive function and improve problem-solving skills.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to highlight that it helps
people
Use synonyms
 expand new knowledge and develop themself.
This
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 assertion is supported by the fact that they bring many
benefits
Use synonyms
 to
people
Use synonyms
 about health, awareness, and important skills in their lives. In conclusion, the differing perspectives on protecting wild
animals
Use synonyms
emphasize
Change the spelling
emphasise
show examples
 that these species not only provide important
benefits
Use synonyms
 to
people
Use synonyms
 but are essential to their well-being. Beyond their relevance to education or health, they significantly enrich
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
Therefore
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, protecting species is necessary for human society.
This
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 analysis encourages individuals to reflect on their own values and experiences related to wildlife.

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task
Choose one view and stay with it. The end should not go against what you started in the intro. Give two or three clear reasons and a small, simple example.
structure
Put ideas in order. One main idea in each paragraph, with a short reason. Use words like first, also, but, so, therefore to connect ideas.
language
Fix bad grammar and form. For example, 'animals brings' -> 'animals bring', 'againts clime change' -> 'against climate change'. Use simple wording.
content
Give clear examples to back each point. This shows you can use facts or ideas from life. It makes your view stronger.
strength
The essay tries to look at both sides.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
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