Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women

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When comes to the question of whether young

people

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should serve in the

army

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compulsorily, attitudes toward

this

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vary from person to person. Some

people

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consider it beneficial to countries,

however

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, others argue that the decision should be made by the

school

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leavers themselves. Personally, I agree with the latter view, and

this

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essay will provide the reasons.

To begin

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with, in modern society, as democracy should be developed and enhanced in all countries,

people

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should have the free will to join military

service

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Moreover

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, not everyone is fit for the

army

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such

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people

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who have physical defects or inherited diseases.

Consequently

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, forcing young men who are not willing to or physically unfit may result in issues during daily training and discipline which are the most important routines in military

service

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In addition

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, compulsory military not only causes problems for the

army

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but

also

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affects individuals negatively.

For example

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school

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leaves may lose career opportunities

due to

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the gap between leaving

school

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and completing compulsory

service

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. Schools equip youngsters with updated knowledge and practical skills which may lead them to prospective career development.

However

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army

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service

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hinders the pace of young

people

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updating their skills and being competitive in job markets.

Furthermore

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this

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gap may

also

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isolate young

people

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from the outside changing world,

thus

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decreasing their self-esteem and causing socialising issues.

To conclude

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, governments may encourage young

people

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to join the

army

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however

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, it should not be compulsory because it brings disadvantageous effects both to the

school

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leavers' self-development and social progress in the long run.

Submitted by carriexue23 on Fri May 24 2024

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task achievement

While you have presented a clear stance on the topic, there is room for improvement in expanding on the argument. Consider adding more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your points. For instance, statistics or real-life cases where compulsory military service has had negative impacts could make your argument more compelling.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, to improve logical structure, you could use more connective words and phrases to ensure smoother transitions between ideas. Words like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' 'Moreover,' and 'In consequence' can help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.

task achievement

Make sure to proofread your essay to catch minor grammatical errors or awkward phrasing. For example, 'When comes to the question' should be 'When it comes to the question.' Paying attention to these details will improve the clarity of your writing.

task achievement

Your introduction clearly outlines the issue and your stance, setting a good foundation for the essay.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance, which is a strong way to end the essay.

task achievement

The ideas are pertinent and the argument against compulsory military service is well-articulated.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Compulsory
Military service
Conscription
Patriotism
National security
Social equality
Discipline
Physical fitness
Life skills
Job training
Infringement
Conscripts
Gender equality
Mandatory
Economy
Education system
Labor market
Civil service
Alternative forms
Balanced view

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Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patient's health, no matter how rich they are. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some people think that news media nowadays have influenced people's lives in negative ways. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that what individuals do to protect cannot make a difference, others say that individuals can protect the environment. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.