IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays it is easy to apply for and be given a credit card. However, some people experience problems when they are not be able to pay their debts back. In your opinion, do the advantages of credit cards outweigh the disadvantages?

#credit #card #people #debts #cards
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The growth of
credit
card
 usage all over the world nowadays is tremendous. It is easy for
people
 to apply for and be granted a
credit
card
 by a bank.
This
 phenomenon has pros and cons, but
this
 essay will contend that, on balance, the advantages of having
credit
cards
 outweigh the negatives. The first issue for individuals who own
credit
cards
 is the failure to make their debt payments. On average
people
 have more than one
credit
card
. Banks as the provider of CCs are competing to provide excellent services to their customers.
This
 is regarding their goal to attract as much as mankind, especially young employees, to be their new customers. The convenience they offered
for instance
giving
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 them the ease of paying all bills with just one
card
, providing the maximum limit of financing or giving rewards or gimmicks for the top spenders.
However
, the hidden problem that might
people
 late aware of is they didn’t count it thoroughly about the total payments for all their spending they have done within a month. If only they knew about it, they would have better self-control in it. The next month when they receive the invoice from the bank, they might feel shocked, deceived and confused about how they get the money to pay the bills. That being said, having a
credit
card
 gives a lot of benefits in terms of making international payments, helping
people
 to get emergency
cash
 and taking advantage of many promos that are bound to it. Sometimes we get into a situation where we need to make an international payment. Since we do not have a currency or a system to enable human beings to make transactions or wire transfers to relatives or colleagues in other parts of the world,
thus
 using
credit
cards
 is the only option
people
 have. In other circumstances,
people
 need
cash
 in a hurry for special occasions,
for example
,
people
 who are grieving and need some fresh
cash
 to arrange everything properly, but their situation disables them from doing so,
then
 drawing some
cash
 from a
credit
card
 might be the only solution for them.
Lastly
, as mentioned above banks usually give extra discounts to
credit
card
 holders,
thus
 some
people
 tend to take advantage of it, either discounts for aeroplanes, hotels, electronics, furniture or food.
While
 it is true that having a
credit
card
 is challenging for
people
 who own it,
it is clear that
 these are outweighed by the benefits that
credit
cards
 could offer.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure all paragraphs are well-connected and each contains a clear main idea. Your essay shows good structure, but enhancing the connectivity between paragraphs through better use of linking words or phrases could make your argument even stronger.
task achievement
For an even higher score, try to develop your arguments further and provide an even broader range of examples and explanations. While your essay covers the topic well, deeper analysis or more varied examples could provide a richer response.
coherence cohesion
You've done an excellent job at structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, each serving its purpose effectively.
task achievement
You've successfully addressed the task, presenting clear arguments for your position and backing them up with relevant examples. This is crucial for achieving a high score in task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • financial security
  • unexpected expenses
  • rewards and incentives
  • cashback
  • airline miles
  • impulse buying
  • accumulating debt
  • high interest rates
  • minimum payments
  • credit score
  • borrowing capacity
  • reliance
  • saving habits
  • financial vulnerability
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